Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist -- it reduces him to his fighting weight.
Advice is like castor oil, easy to give, but dreadful to take.
Most people when they come to you for advice, come to have their own opinions strengthened, not corrected.
I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.
In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.
It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am the most certain of the first time.
Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.
Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.
Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.
When a man gets talking about himself, he seldom fails to be eloquent and often reaches the sublime.
There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.
Experience increases our wisdom but doesn't reduce our follies.
If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won t.
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way.
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.
A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.
The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.
If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles. Safe on her own nose all the time.
There's lots of people who spend so much time watching their health, they haven't got time to enjoy it.
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread.
The more humble a man is before God the more he will be exalted; the more humble he is before man, the more he will get rode roughshod.
Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.
I honestly believe it is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
Knowledge is like money: the more he gets, the more he craves.
The trouble with most folks ain't so much their ignorance as knowing so many things that ain't so.
Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb.
Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.
As a general thing, when the woman wears the pants in the family, she has a good right to them.
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.
Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.
I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.
Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.
Pity cost nothing and ain't worth nothing.
A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.
Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
Poverty is the step-mother of genius.
Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.
Don't ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it.
One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
I don't care how much a person talks, if they only say it in a few words.
As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing.
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.
To bring up a child in the way he should go -- travel that way yourself.
There is a significant Latin proverb; to wit: Who will guard the guards?
It ain't so much trouble to get rich as it is to tell when we have got rich.
It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.
Some folks are wise and some otherwise.
Never work before breakfast. If you have to work before breakfast, get your breakfast first.
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.