Abuse a man unjustly, and you will make friends for him.
You may easily play a joke on a man who likes to argue -- agree with him.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
None of us can boast about the morality of our ancestors. The record does not show that Adam and Eve were ever married.
The sounder your argument, the more satisfaction you get out of it.
The little trouble in the world that is not due to love is due to friendship.
Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.
Common sense is compelled to make its way without the enthusiasm of anyone.
I believe in grumbling; it is the politest form of fighting known.
Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.
As a man handles his troubles during the day, so he goes to bed at night a General, Captain, or Private.
Don't be crazy to do a lot of things you can't do .
Nothing is wonderful when you get used to it.
Farmers only worry during the growing season, but towns people worry all the time.
The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.
Fishing seems to be the favorite form of loafing.
Most of us are either too think to enjoy eating, or too fat to enjoy walking.
A woman who can't forgive should never have more than a nodding acquaintance with a man.
American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.
Instead of loving your enemies -- treat your friends a little better.
Don't abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism.
It may be a cold, clammy thing to say, but those that treat friendship the same as any other selfishness seem to get the most out of it.
When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
To be an ideal guest, stay at home.
A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.
The worst feeling in the world is the homesickness that comes over a man occasionally when he is at home.
A modest man is usually admired, if people ever hear of him.
Everyone suffers wrongs for which there is no remedy.
The average man's judgment is so poor, he runs a risk every time he uses it.
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.
If a woman doesn't chase a man a little, she doesn't love him.
The modest person is usually admired, if people ever hear of them.
No man's credit is ever as good as his money.
When a man says money can do anything, that settles it. He hasn't any.
Half the promises people say were never kept, were never made.
Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.
I think I am better than the people who are trying to reform me.
What people say behind your back is your standing in the community.
One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.
Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.
Every successful man I have heard of has done the best he could with conditions as he found them...
A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.
A theory is no more like a fact than a photograph is like a person.
When men are not regretting that life is so short, they are doing something to kill time.
The way out of trouble is never as simple as the way in.
All of the troubles that some people have in life is that which they married into.
When a man has no reason to trust himself, he trusts in luck.
Many people would be more truthful were it not for their uncontrollable desire to talk.
People are always neglecting something they can do in trying to do something they can't do.
Virtue must be valuable, if men and women of all degrees pretend to have it.
Youth is about the only thing worth having, and that is about the only thing youth has.