Movie Trivia

Homer: Where the hell are my keys? Who stole my keys? Come on, I'm late for work! [lift Maggie and looks underneath] Marge: Oh Homer, you'd lose your head if it weren't securely fastened to your neck. Bart: Did you check the den? Homer: The den! Great idea! [heads into the den. Bart follows] [Homer pulls the couch apart] Bart: Warm. No, cold. Colder. Ice cold. Homer: You know where my keys are? Bart: No, I'm talking about your breakfast. [laughs] Homer: Grrrrrrrrrr!

— "Moaning Lisa"

Marge: I'm sorry everybody, but I've only got two cupcakes for the three of you. Bart: Well Mom, one of us has scarfed down more than enough cupcakes over the past three decades to keep his... Homer: Bart! Lisa: Just take mine. A simple cupcake will bring me no pleasure. [Homer and Bart watch Lisa trudge out of the room] Homer+Bart: Yeah! [exchange high-fives]

— "Moaning Lisa"

Largo: [tapping on music stand] Lisa. [taps louder] LISA SIMPSON! [finally attracting her attention] Lisa, there's no room for crazy bebop in "My Country 'Tis of Thee". Lisa: But Mr. Largo! That's what my country's all about. Largo: What?!? Lisa: I'm wailing out for the homeless family living out of a car. The idle farmer whose land has been taken away by uncaring bureaucrats. The West Virginia coal-miner caught... Largo: Well, that's all fine and good, but Lisa, none of those unpleasant people are going to be at the recital next week. Now class, from the top. Five, six, seven...

— "Moaning Lisa"

Lisa: Every day at noon a bell rings, and they herd us in here to feeding time. So we sit around like cattle, chewing our cud, dreading the inevitable... Bart: A-ha! Food fight!

— "Moaning Lisa"

Lisa: OW! Ooh, ow! Ooh! PE Teacher: [blows whistle] Lisa! We are playing dodge-ball here. The object of the game is to avoid the ball, by weaving or ducking out of its path. Lisa: In other words, to dodge the ball. PET: Listen missy, just tell me why you weren't getting out of the way of those balls. Lisa: [despairingly] I'm too sad. PET: Too sad to play dodgeball? That's ridiculous. [to the rest of the class] Now let's see some enthusiasm. Play Ball!

— "Moaning Lisa"

Homer: Come on, come on, let's go. Bart: [as announcer] In the red trunks, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of the town, Battling Bart Simpson! [whistles] whoopee, wo wo wo! And in the lavender trunks, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats... oh, correction, <humiliating> defeats, all of them by knock-out. Homer: Must you do this every time... Bart: Homer "the human punching bag" Simpson!

— "Moaning Lisa"

Marge: They sent a note from school. Homer: [to Bart] What did you do this time you little hoodlum? Bart: I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!

— "Moaning Lisa"

Homer: [reading the note] Lisa refuses to play dodgeball because she is sad. [end of note] She doesn't look sad. I don't see any tears in her eyes. Lisa: It's not that kind of sad. I'm sorry Dad, but you wouldn't understand. Homer: Oh sure I would, Princess. I have feeling too, you know, like "My stomach hurts', or "I'm going crazy!"

— "Moaning Lisa"

Lisa: Sorry Dad, I know you mean well. [kisses him] Homer: Thanks for knowing I mean well.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Bart: Gee Homer, it looks like you've got yourself a real problem on your hands. Homer: Your right... Uhh... Bart! Vacuum this floor! Bart: Hey Man! I didn't do anything wrong! Homer: In times of trouble you've got to go with what you know. Now hop to it boy!

— "Moaning Lisa"

Bart: [sarcastically] Enjoy your bath? Lisa: No, not really. Bart: Oh, too bad. Well I've certainly had fun vacuuming. Maybe now I'll get the pleasure of scrubbing your tub. Lisa: [to Maggie] So typical of Bart. All he thinks about is himself. Bart: Hey! Don't say stuff like that about me to Maggie. She's on my side anyway. Lisa: Is not! Bart: Is too! Lisa: Is not. Bart: Is too! Lisa: Is not. Bart: Is too! Watch, I'll prove it. Maggie, come to the one you love best. Maggie: [hops off the couch, looks at Bart] Lisa: No Maggie! Come here girl, come to me. Bart: [shaking a rattler] Come on Maggie, the choice is obvious. Lisa: [beckoning her] No Maggie, don't go for the glitter, look for substance. Maggie: [looks at them both, uncertain] Lisa: [giving up] All right Maggie, just go to Bart. Bart: Egg-zactly, come to the one you love best. Maggie: [looks at them both, then walks away and embraces the TV set]

— "Moaning Lisa"

Homer: Lisa! What did I tell you about playing that saxamuhthing in the house? Lisa: I was just playing the blues... Dad. [sobs] Homer: Lisa, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. Go ahead, play your blues if it'll make you happy. Lisa: No, that's okay, Dad. I'll just work on my fingering, unless my fingers clacking on the keys is too loud for you. Homer: Let's hear it. [Lisa clacks away] You just clack as loud as you want, Lis.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Lisa: That was beautiful. What's it called? Murphy: Oh, it's a little tune that I call "The `I Never Had an Italian Suit' Blues".

— "Moaning Lisa"

Homer: [in a dream] What the?!?! [Homer is a video boxing character] Bart: [his opponent] Put up your dukes, Homer. Homer: Agggh! Bart! Go easy on me! I'm your Dad! Bart: I <am> going easy on ya. [pow] Your so old, [pow] and slow, [pow] and weak, [pow] and pathetic. [Bart winds up for the kill] Homer: No! Son! No! [the fist impacts] [wakes up screaming] Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!

— "Moaning Lisa"

You know Marge, getting old is a terrible thing. I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.

— Homer, "Moaning Lisa"

Marge: I don't know... Bart's such a handful, and Maggie needs attention, but all the while, our little Lisa's becoming a young woman. Homer: Oh, so that's it, this is some kind of underwear thing.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Lisa: [improvises] Murphy: Now now now, low B flat. Lisa: [jams down low] Murphy: Okay, Lisa. Altissimo register. Lisa: [another wild riff] Murphy: [applauding] Very nice, very nice. I once ruptured myself doing that.

— All you ever wanted to know about sax, "Moaning Lisa"

Murphy: My friends call me `Bleeding Gums'. Lisa: Ewwww, how'd you get a name like that? Murphy: Well let me put it this way... You ever been to the dentist? Lisa: Yeah. Murphy: Not me. I suppose I should go to one, but I've got enough pain in my life as it is.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Murphy: Oh, I'm so lonely, Since my baby left me. I got no money, And nothing is free. Oh, I've been so alone Since the day I was born. All I got is this rusty, This rusty old horn. Lisa: I got a bratty brother. He bugs me everyday. And this morning my own mother, Gave my last cupcake away. My Dad acts like he belongs, He belongs in the zoo. I'm the sa-a-a-addest kid, In gra-a-a-de number two.

— "Moaning Lisa'

The Blues isn't about feeling better, it's about making other people feel <worse>, and making a few bucks while your at it.

— Bleeding Gums Murphy, "Moaning Lisa"

Marge: Lisa! Get away from that jazz man! Lisa: But Mom! Can I stay a little longer? Can I Mom, can I? Marge: Come on, come on. We were worried about you. [to Bleeding Gums Murphy] Nothing personal, I just fear the unfamiliar.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Kent: ... through downtown Springfield today gutting Symphony Hall, the Springfield Museum of Natural History, the Springfield Arts Center, and Barney's Bowl-o-rama. Homer: Waugh! [chokes] Oh no! [walks into kitchen] Marge! Marge, you all right? Marge: No, I'm very upset. Homer: Oh then you've heard. Oh God! What are we going to do? The lanes were kinda warped, but all the food... Marge: I'm upset about Lisa. Homer: [realizing] Oh, me too. Bart: Me three, whatawe talking about? Homer: Bart!

— "Moaning Lisa"

Marge: Do you think you could be nice enough to your sister, Bart? Bart: Oh yeah, easy. Marge: You do love her don't you? Bart: [whining] Oh Mom... Marge: Well you do, don't you? Bart: [uncomfortably] Don't make me say it. You know the answer, I know the answer, he knows the answer, let's just drop it, ok? Marge: Okay, Bart, you don't have to say it, but you do have to have a loving attitude. Be nice to your sister. Bart: [reluctantly] Okey dokey.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Moe: Yeah, Moe's Tavern, Moe speaking. Bart: Is Jock there? Moe: Who? Bart: Jock, last name Strap. Moe: Uh, hold on. [to everyone in the bar] Uh, Jock... Strap... Hey guys I'm looking for a Jock Strap. [laughs from all] Oh... wait a minute... Jock Strap... It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Homer: Give me some quarters... I'm doing my laundry. Clerk: Yeah, right. [gives him the quarters] Homer: [looks around] Where's the video boxing? Clerk: Over there in the corner. If I were you I really would use those quarters for laundry. Homer: [sotto voce] Wise guy.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Howie: Ok, who's next? [every one raises their hands, `memememememe'] Homer: [rising from above the crowd] No, me! No, meeee! Now listen... can you teach me how to fight like you do? Howie: No. Homer: Aw, come on... Howie: I'll tell you what. I'll do it if you'll bark like a dog. Homer: Whyyoulittle... Woof woof woof! Howie: Hah! You've got yourself a deal, Fido.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Lisa: Ahem. [Marge waits for her to say something, but Lisa turns away] Marge: Now Lisa, listen to me, this is important. I want you to smile today. Lisa: But I don't feel like smiling. Marge: Well it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down, all the way down, past your knees until your almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in, and you'll be invited to parties, and boys will like you, and happiness will follow. Lisa: [feeble attempt at a smile] Marge: No, come on. You can do better than that. Lisa: [a much brighter smile] Marge: Aww, that's my girl. [rubs Lisa's hair] Lisa: [through her teeth] I feel more popular already.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Boy1: Hey, nice smile. Lisa: Thanks. Boy2: Hey, what are you talking to her for? She's just going to say something weird. Lisa: Not me! Boy1: You know, I used to think you were some sort of a Brainiac, but, I guess you're okay, and... Lisa: Uh-huh. Boy2: Hey, why don't you come over to my house after practice. You can do my homework. Lisa: [forced] Okay.

Miss Simpson, I hope we won't have a repeat of yesterday's outburst of `Unbridled Creativity'.

— Mr. Largo, "Moaning Lisa"

Bart: I'll gonna knock you out one more time and that's it, this is getting boring man! Homer: [smirking] Try not to kill me too hard, son. Heh heh heh.

— "Moaning Lisa"

Marge: I'd like your attention, please. Homer: Quiet Marge! This is my big moment! Bart the Bloody Pulp Simpson is on the ropes. He's hoping I'll put him out of his misery. Wow, you're in luck Bart! Here comes my right! [Marge pulls the plug] Oh, no!!!! My game! My game! I could've beat the boy! Marge, how could you! I was so close! Marge: I'm sorry, but this is more important than that silly loud game. Bart: You're right Mom. I'd just like to use this occasion to announce my retirement, undefeated from the world of video boxing. [Homer collapses into a whimper]

— "Moaning Lisa"

Bart: Murderous mob, I beg you to spare our lives, at least until you've heard the story of how we ended up with the head of our belov\'ed town founder. Barney: How long will this story take? Bart: Uh... About twenty-three minutes and five seconds.

— Does that include commercials? "The Telltale Head"

Marge: Bart, assume the position. Bart: [turns and leans against the wall, legs spread] Marge: [frisks Bart]

— Leaving for church, "The Telltale Head"

Announcer: This could be the most remarkable comeback since Lazarus rose from the dead! Homer: Laza-who?

— Driving to church, "The Telltale Head"

Marge: [confiscates Bart's personal stereo] Were you going to listen to rock music in Sunday School? Bart: Maybe. Marge: Can you believe this, Homer? ... Homer? Homer? Homer: [in the car, bashes his head on the steering wheel in frustration] Marge: [goes to the car] Homer, were you planning on sitting in the car until the [football] game is over? Homer: Maybe.

— Great minds think alike, "The Telltale Head"

Milhouse: Will there be cavemen in heaven? Sunday School Teacher: Certainly not! Bart: Uh, ma'am? What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven? SST: For the last time, Bart, yes!

— Playing by the rules, "The Telltale Head"

Sunday School Teacher: [very tired] The ventriloquist goes to heaven, but the dummy doesn't. Bart: [raises his hand] Ooh-ooh-ooh! Me! SST: Bart? Bart: What about a robot with a human brain? SST: [at the breaking point] I don't know! All these questions! Is a little blind faith too much to ask!?!

— "The Telltale Head"

Marge: Lisa, Bart, what did you two learn in Sunday School today? Lisa: The answers to deep theological questions. Bart: Yeah, among other things, apes can't get into heaven. Homer: What? Those cute little monkeys? That's terrible. Who told you that? Bart: Our teacher. Homer: I can understand how they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but what about those really smart ones who live among us? Who roller-skate and smoke cigars?

— And work in nuclear power plants, "The Telltale Head"

Bart: Cool, man, Space Mutants 4. Let me off! Let me off! Marge: No way, Jose. Homer: Marge, they're only space mutants. Marge: Uh uh. I know what those movies are like. Killing innocent people, eating human flesh. You'll just get a lot of bad ideas.

— "The Telltale Head"

Bart: You guys are sneaking in? Kerny: Yeah, only saps pay to see movies. Jimbo: Hey, Bart, come on! Bart: But sneaking into movies is practically stealing, man. Kerny: Practically? Jimbo: It <is> stealing. Bart: Well, okay. I just wanted to make sure we aren't deluding ourselves.

— An irrefutable argument, "The Telltale Head"

Homer: [reading The Bowl Earth Catalog] Wow, look at these bowling balls, Maggie! Can you think of a better way for Daddy to spend his hard-won fifty bucks? [turns the page] Gasp! Now I've seen everything. Black, marbelized with a liquid center. The Stealth Bowler. The pins don't know what hit 'em.

— "The Telltale Head"

Bart: I was wondering. How important is it to be popular? Homer: I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world! Bart: Like, sometimes, you could do stuff that you think is pretty bad, so other kids will like you better? Homer: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you? Bart: No. Homer: Are you! Bart: No! Homer: Then run along, you little scamp! [musses Bart's hair] A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.

— "The Telltale Head"

A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.

— Homer, "The Telltale Head"

Homer: Ooh, look at this one! The Hammer of Thor! It will sends your pins to... Valhalla? Lisa? Lisa: Valhalla is where Vikings go when they die. Homer: Ooh, that's some ball!

— Reading The Bowl Earth Catalog, "The Telltale Head"

We have no witnesses, no suspects, no leads. If anyone has any information, please dial `O' and ask for the police. That number again: `O'.

— Chief Wiggum's press conference, "The Telltale Head"

Just a statue? Is the Statue of Liberty just a statue? Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza [sic] just a statue?

— Homer, "The Telltale Head"

There is someone out there in Krusty-Land who has committed an atrocity! If you know who cut off Jebediah's head, I don't care if it's your brother, your sister, your daddy, or your mommy, turn him in! [brightly] Krusty will send you a free slide whistle, just like Sideshow Bob's!

— "The Telltale Head"

[Caption: SPRINGFIELD: A CITY HELD HOSTAGE. DAY ONE (dramatization)] Jebediah Obadiah Zachariah Jedediah Springfield, he was. [A cheesy documentary. Jebediah chops wood.] In 1838, along the way, he met a ferocious bear. [What is obviously a man in a bear costume appears. Jebediah discards his axe and wrestles the bear. The caption `dramatization' reappears.] And killed him with his bare hands. That's B-A-R-E hands. [Jebediah wins.] We've recently uncovered evidence that the bear, in fact, probably killed <him>.

— "The Telltale Head"

Burns: [overcome with emotion] I love you, Smithers. Smithers: The feeling is more than mutual, sir.

— "The Telltale Head"

Skinner: The fifth grade will now favor us with a scene from Charles uh.. Dickens' Christmas Carol. Homer: Ohhhh.... How many grades does this school have!

— Watching the school Christmas pageant, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Maggie is walking by herself. Lisa got straight A's. And Bart... Well, we love Bart.

— Marge writes the family Christmas letter, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Marge: [writing] The magic of the season has touched us all. Homer: Marge, haven't you finished that stupid letter yet? Marge: [writing] Homer sends his love.

— Marge writes the family Christmas letter, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Marge: A tattoo? Homer: A what? Bart: Yeah, they're cool, and they last for the rest of your lives. Marge: You will <not> be getting a tattoo for Christmas. Homer: Yeah, if you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your own allowance!

— Reading Bart's Christmas list, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Oh, Bart, that's so sweet. It's the best present a mother could get, and it makes you look so dangerous.

— Marge in Bart's dream of getting a tattoo, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Bart: One `mother' please. Clerk: Wait a minute. How old are you? Bart: 21, sir. Clerk: Get in the chair.

— Bart gets a tattoo, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Smithers: Attention all personnel. Please keep working during the following announcement. And now, our boss and friend, Mr. Burns. Burns: Hello. I'm proud to announce that we've been able to increase safety here at the plant without cost to the consumer or affecting management pay raises. However, for you semi-skilled workers, there will be no Christmas bonuses. Oh, and one more thing: Merry Christmas!

— "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Lisa: [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it. Lisa: [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it. Lisa: [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it. Maggie: [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it. Homer: Hey, what's with this? [touches Bart's injured arm] Bart: Ow! Quit it.

— "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Marge: [in bed, reading the shopping list] I get the feeling there's something you haven't told me Homer. Homer: Huh? Oh, I love you Marge. Marge: Mm, Homer, you tell me that all the time. Homer: Oh good, because I <do> love you. I don't deserve you as much as a guy with a fat wallet and a credit card that won't set off that horrible beeping. Marge: Well, I think it does have something to do with your Christmas bonus. I keep asking for it, but... Homer: Marge... Oh... Let me be honest with you... Marge: Yes? Homer: Well... I... Marge: [rubs his hand] Homer: I want to do the Christmas shopping this year! Marge: [hands over the list she was holding] Well, sure. Okay. [flicks bed-side light off. Homer's forced grin glows in the dark]

— "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Homer: [bumps into Ned. Their respective armfuls of gifts fall into the snow] Ned: Oh ho ho, Simpson, it's you. Homer: Hello, Flanders. Ned: Oh my, what a little mess we've got here. Well, which ones are yours and which ones are mine? Homer: Well, let's see. Ned: [picking up gifts] Well, this one's mine, and this one's mine, heh heh, this one's mine, and... Homer: They're <all> yours!

— "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Barney: I got me a part-time job working as a Santa down at the mall. Homer: Wow. Can <I> do that? Barney: I dunno. They're pretty selective. [belch]

— "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Manager: Do you like children? Homer: What do you mean? All the time? Even when they're nuts??

— Homer applies for a job as a department store Santa, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Bart: Hey Santa, what's shakin', man? Homer: [as Santa] What's your name, Bart...ner? Uh, little partner? Bart: I'm Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

— Homer works as a department store Santa, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

You must really love us to sink so low.

— Bart admires Homer's working as a department store Santa, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Homer: Thirteen bucks? Hey, wait a minute. Clerk: That's right. $120 gross, less Social Security... Homer: Yeah. Clerk: ... less unemployment insurance ... Homer: But... Clerk: ... less Santa training... Homer: Santa training? Clerk: ... less costume purchase... Homer: Wait a minute... Clerk: ... less beard rental... Homer: But... Clerk: ... less Christmas Club. Homer: But... Clerk: See you next year. [closes the window]

— Paydirt, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Bart: Aw come on, Dad. This could be the miracle that saves the Simpsons' Christmas. If TV has taught me anything, it's that miracles always happen to poor kids at Christmas. It happened to Tiny Tim, it happened to Charlie Brown, it happened to the Smurfs, and it's going to happen to us! Homer: Well, okay, let's go. Who's Tiny Tim?

— "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Lisa: What, Aunt Patty? Patty: Oh, nothing, dear. I'm just trashing your father. Lisa: Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have. Therefore, he is my model of manhood, and my estimation of him will govern the prospects of my adult relationships. So I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a knock at me, and I am far too young to defend myself against such onslaughts. Patty: Mm hm. Go watch your cartoon show, dear.

— "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Don't worry, Dad. Maybe this is just for suspense before the miracle happens.

— Bart's been watching too much TV, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

It doesn't seem possible, but I guess TV has betrayed me.

— Bart, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

Bart: Oh, Dad, can we keep him? Homer: But he's a loser! He's pathetic! He's... SLH: [licks Homer's face] Homer: ... a Simpson.

— "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire"

How can you afford something like this, Ned? I mean, I get your mail once in a while, and you make only $27 a week more than I do.

— Homer, "Call of the Simpsons"

Bart: Does it have its own satellite dish, sir? Bob: You can tell your son it has its own satellite---the VanStar 1 launched last satellite.

— The Simpsons shop for an RV, "Call of the Simpsons"

Homer: Does it have a deep fryer? Bob: Four. One for each part of the chicken.

— The Simpsons shop for an RV, "Call of the Simpsons"

Bart: Aye, Carumba! Lisa; This is better than our house!

— The Simpsons shop for an RV, "Call of the Simpsons"

Bob: [running a credit check] [presses `Enter'] [sirens wail and lights flash] Homer: Is that a good siren? Am I approved? Bob: You ever known a siren to be good?

— The only good siren is a dead siren, "Call of the Simpsons"

Homer: Don't you have something that isn't out of my price range? I don't want to go away empty-handed, Bob. Bob: Take it easy, willya, huh? You'll ruin this feeling I'm getting from ya...

— Shopping for an RV, "Call of the Simpsons"

Simpson, you'll never own a better RV, and I don't mean that in a good way. I mean, literally, buddy. This is for you, you know. It's this or a wagon.

— Cowboy Bob sells Homer an RV, "Call of the Simpsons"

Homer: Everybody ready? Bart: I hate this. I don't want to go. Homer: That's the spirit!

— Going camping, "Call of the Simpsons"

Ready or not, Nature, here we come!

— Homer takes the family camping, "Call of the Simpsons"

Bart: Turkey farm? Skunks? Slaughterhouse? Lisa: No. No. No. Marge: What are you kids doing? Lisa: We're playing "Name that Odor". Bart: Dad's feet? Homer: Bart! Lisa: You win, Bart. Homer: Lisa!

— Games to play in the car, "Call of the Simpsons"

Marge: Homer, I'm telling you, this is not the Interstate. Homer: Pffffft. Maps.

— Marge the navigator noties something amiss, as the RV drives through the woods, "Call of the Simpsons"

Shouldn't we stop somewhere and ask for directions?

— Marge the navigator, as Homer drives the RV through the woods, "Call of the Simpsons"

Lisa: Mom, I'm scared. Marge: Don't worry. We all are.

— Safety in numbers, "Call of the Simpsons"

Homer: [speaking softly and slowly] When I give the word, everyone ever-so-slowly open the door and slide out. On the count of three... One... SoundFX: (*rustle*) (*rustle*) (*slam*) (*slam*) (*slam*) Homer: [turns around: Everyone has already left]

— Taking charge in a crisis, "Call of the Simpsons"

Lisa: [glumly] The Simpsons have entered the forest.

— But will the forest survive? "Call of the Simpsons"

Homer: Yes sir! This is a real adventure! Why, I bet there are people who would trade everything they have in the world for an adventure like this. Bart: You mean like <we> just did?

— The Simpsons have entered the forest, sans RV, "Call of the Simpsons"

Marge: Oh Homer... What are we going to do? Homer: Now, don't worry. Our situation isn't as bad as it seems. And you're forgetting---I'm an experienced woodsman! Now, you all stay here for a mintue while I go over this way to try to get my bearings. [walks away fifteen meters] [sits down] What am I going to do!? I've murdered us all! Echo: I've murdered us all! ... murdered us all! Homer: Shut up! Echo: Shut up! ... Shut up! Homer: D'oh! Echo: D'oh! ... D'oh!

— Echo Canyon, "Call of the Simpsons"

Lisa: Remember, Dad. The handle of the Big Dipper points towards the North Star. Homer: Heh heh, that's nice, Lisa. But we're not in astronomy class. We're in the woods.

— "Call of the Simpsons"

When you're an experienced woodsman, you get a feel for these things. It's like a third sense.

— Homer, "Call of the Simpsons"

What are we going to do, hang ourselves?

— Bart watches Homer build a trap out of a young sapling, "Call of the Simpsons"

I'll go into the bushes over there, make a lot of noise, and flush out a rabbit. When he comes out, you step on him.

— Homer instructs Bart on his role in catching dinner, "Call of the Simpsons"

Are we there yet?

— Bart wanders with Homer aimlessly through the woods, "Call of the Simpsons"

Tangy.

— Homer eats a mouthful of honey---and bees, "Call of the Simpsons"

Now, the naturalist who took these absolutely extraordinary pictures was impressed by the creature's uncivilized look, its foul language, and most of all, its indescribable stench.

— Newscaster reports that Bigfoot (Homer) has been sighted, "Call of the Simpsons"

We now return you to the President's address, already in progress.

— Newscaster interrupts to report Bigfoot sighting, "Call of the Simpsons"

No bears. We're taping! All bears off the set!

— "Call of the Simpsons"

Bart: Are we there yet? Homer: Just a little further. Bart: Are we there yet? Homer: Just a little further. Bart: Are we there yet? Homer: Just a little further. Bart: Are we there yet? Homer: Just a little further.

— Wandering aimlessly through the forest, "Call of the Simpsons"

Later, grizzly dudes.

— Bart bids farewell to a pack of bears, "Call of the Simpsons"

What the hell are you talking about, sir?

— Bart, "Call of the Simpsons"

Avenge me, son. Avenge my death... ZZZZzzzzzz...

— Homer (Bigfoot) is hit with a tranquilizer dart, "Call of the Simpsons"

Dr. Marvin Monroe: After extensive biological and anatomical testing, I regret to announce that our findings are... inconclusive. This thing may or may not be human. German scientist: Dat's what he tinks. I say it's none other than Bigfoot himself. French scientist: Oh, no, I disagree. I think it is a man. The eyes have a glimmer of human intelligence.

— On the capture of Bigfoot (Homer), "Call of the Simpsons"

Cheer up, Homer. At least they let you go.

— Marge, after Homer is captured and believed to be Bigfoot, "Call of the Simpsons"

This specimen is either a below-average human being or a brilliant beast.

— German scientist who examined Homer/Bigfoot, "Call of the Simpsons"

Krusty: Hi, kids! Who do you love? Kids: Krusty! Krusty: How much do you love me? [Bart and Lisa watch the show at home] Bart+Lisa+Kids: With all our heart! Krusty: What would do if I went off the air? Bart+Lisa+Kids: We'd kill ourselves!

— Making life worth living, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Krusty: Don't blame me... Krusty+Kids: <I> didn't do it!

— Words to live by, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Comedy, thy name is Krusty.

— Bart, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Bart+Lisa: [laugh at an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon] Marge: My, all this senseless violence. I don't understand the appeal. Bart: We don't expected you to, Mom. Lisa: If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.

— "Krusty Gets Busted"

If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.

— Lisa, "Krusty Gets Busted'

Oooooh, eight carousels! We're in for a real treat!

— Marge welcomes her sisters, laden with slides of their latest trip, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Hello, steady customer! How are you this evening, sir?

— Apu welcomes Homer, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Mmm... Chocolate... Ooooh, double chocolate... Gasp! New flavor! Triple chocolate!

— Homer buys ice cream, "Krusty Gets Busted"

What's the matter, sir? Never have I seen you so unhappy when you are purchasing such a large quantity of ice cream.

— Apu to Homer, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Krusty: [holding a gun] Hand over all your money in a paper bag. Apu: Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.

— "Krusty Gets Busted"

You can emerge now from my chips. The opportunity to prove yourself a hero is long gone.

— Apu to a (cowardly) Homer, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Patty: This is a Mexican delicacy called a `taco platter'. Selma: Mmm, delicious.

— Narrating a slide show of their trip to the Yucatan, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Krusty: Hey, what's going on, here? Wiggum: Krusty the Clown, you're under arrest for armed robbery. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say, blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah.

— You know the rest, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Send in the clowns!

— Chief Wiggum prepares for a police line-up, "Krusty Gets Busted"

And this is all the mail that awaited us upon our return. [click, next slide] And this is Selma dropping off our vacation film to be developed. Thus concludes our Mexican Odyssey.

— Patty shows vacation slides, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Why did the clown cross the road? To rob a Kwik-E-Mart. A new story behind that enigmatic half-joke after this commercial message.

— Scott Christian anchors the newscast, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Homer: Bart, you know that guy on your lunchbox? Bart: Oh, you mean Krusty the Clown? Homer: He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he? Bart: Are you kidding? He's my idol! I've based my life on Krusty's teaching.

— Krusticism? "Krusty Gets Busted"

Earlier this evening, the Springfield SWAT team apprehended the TV clown, who appears on a rival station, opposite our own Emmy award winning Hobo Hate.

— Scott Christian's news flash, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Earth-to-Marge. Earth-to-Marge. I was there. The clown is G-I-L-L-T-Y.

— Homer, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Good evening again, Springfield. Krusty the Klown, the beloved idol of countless tots, now nothing more than a common (alleged) criminal.

— Kent Brockman reports... "Krusty Gets Busted"

His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media circus, as children of all ages, from 8 to 80, hang onto each new development like so many Rumanian trapeze artists.

— Kent Brockman reports... "Krusty Gets Busted"

Krusty: Wasn't that a great Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, kids? Well, we've got another one coming right up. But first! I've got a hankerin' for some pork products! [Sideshow Bob wheels in a barebecue grill] Mmmm.... Look! Plump, succulent sausage. Honey-smoked bacon. And glistening, sizzling.... Aaaagh! D'oh! [Krusty clutches his chest and contorts his face] Kids: Ah-hah-hah-hah-hah! Krusty: [collapses, his hand slowly descending out of frame] Heart...attack... Gagh! I'm... dying... I'm dying... Kent: [watching on a monitor] Heh heh heh.

— Krusty's near-fatal heart attack in 1986, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Bart: Look at him. His clothes are so drab. Lisa: His face is so flesh-colored and sad. Bart: And his feet. They're so small. [grabs Krusty] Say it ain't so, Krusty! Atty: Uh, my client has no comment at this time. Krusty; [meekly] I didn't do it! [all laugh as Krusty is dragged away on his heels]

— Once a clown, always a clown. "Krusty Gets Busted"

Judge: Krusty the Clown, how do you plead? Krusty: [brightly] I plead guilty, your honor. [huge gasp from the crowd, Krusty looks around surprised] Atty: [whispers into Krusty's ear] Krusty: Oh, heh heh heh, not guilty, heh heh heh. Opening-night jitters, your honor.

— Just picture them in their underwear, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Mr. Simpson, was that you taking that cowardly dive into that display of heavily-salted snack treats?

— Prosecutor at Krusty's trial, "Krusty Gets Busted"

These toys are just adorable. Who would have guessed they were inspired by an insane criminal genius.

— Marge throws out Krusty-related toys, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Bart: Dad, you're giving in to mob mentality! Homer: No I'm not, I'm hopping on the bandwagon! Now come on, son, get with the winning team!

— "Krusty Gets Busted"

Good people, I'm so happy you're all here tonight. But please, just a few words of caution. Now, we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze, but because these are children's toys, the fire will spread quickly, so please stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes.

— Reverend Lovejoy coordinates a Krusty-burning, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Prosecutor: Betting slips, indicating that you've lost substantial sums of money on sports gambling. Krusty: [dramatically] Is it a crime to bet on sporting events? Prosecutor: Yes, it is! Krusty: [meekly] Oh.

— Krusty's trial, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Foreperson: We find the defendant, Krusty the Clown... Guilty. Crowd: [gasp!] Defense Attorney: Ugh! [bangs the table] I knew it! This happens to me every time!

— "Krusty Gets Busted"

Bart: I bet I can prove Krusty's innocent, but... [meekly] I need your help. Lisa: [genuinely not knowing] You do? Why? Bart: Oh, come on, Lis, you know why. Lisa: No! Why? Bart: I'll never forgive you for making me say this, but... [deep breath] You're smarter than me. Lisa: [adorable smile]

— "Krusty Gets Busted"

[hiding behind the counter] Okay, don't try anything funny. I'm armed to the teeth.

— Apu, once bitten twice shy, "Krusty the Clown"

Hey, hey, this is not a lending library! If you're not going to buy that thing, put it down or I'll blow your heads off!

— Apu, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Come on, Bart, go with the flow!

— Lisa, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Sideshow Bob: So what's on your mind, Bart? Is it that other children don't accept you? Bart: Sure, Sideshow Bob, but that doesn't bother me.

— Armchair psychiatry, "Krusty Gets Busted"

The fact is, you don't have to be able to read to enjoy the Springfield Review of Books. Just look at these amusing caricatures of Gore Vidal and Susan Sonntag.

— Sideshow Bob, "Krusty Gets Busted"

There was a school of thought called stoicism...

— Sideshow Bob hosts his Cavalcade of Whimsy, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Bart: Attention, fellow children! Krusty didn't rob that store! Sideshow Bob framed him, and I got proof! [whams Sideshow Bob's foot with a mallet] Sideshow Bob: [hopping and grabbing his foot] Ow! You lousy, stupid clumsy... Kids: Gasp! Bart: See that? Krusty wore big, floppy shoes, but he's got little feet, like all good-hearted people. [whams Sideshow Bob's other foot] Sideshow Bob: [on the floor, grabbing his feet] Bart: But Sideshow Bob really filled those shoes with these ugly feet! [removes Sideshow Bob's shoe, revealing his big, ugly feet] The Cop: [watching the show, eating donuts] Kid's right. The Other Cop: [doing the same] How do you suppose we missed that?

— "Krusty Gets Busted"

And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for these meddling kids.

— Sideshow Bob, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Treat kids like equals! They're people too! They're smarter than you think! They were smart enough to catch me!

— Sideshow Bob is carted away to jail, "Krusty Gets Busted"

I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what goes on in prison are exaggerated.

— Homer to Krusty, "Krusty Gets Busted"

Mrs. Skinner: This is the Bart Simpson you're always talking about? Pr. Skinner: Mm hm. Mrs. Skinner: Why, he looks so sweet! Bart: I am, ma'am.

— He also lies, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Milhouse: You going to flush it? [a cherry bomb] Bart: What can I say? I got a weakness for the classics.

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

Homer: [lying on the couch] Oh, Maaarge, I'm still hurt! \\ [rings a handbell] Maaarge! Maaaaaarge! Marge: [finally arrives] Oh, Homer. How many times do I have to fluff your pillow? Homer: Actually, I was wondering if you could make me a grilled-cheese sandwich? Marge: [reluctantly] Well, okay. Homer: Make sure it's squished flat, and crunchy on the outside. Marge: I know how you like 'em, Homer. Homer: Oh, and can I have some of those wieners that come in a can? Oh, and some fruit cocktail, in heavy syrup. Marge: Mmmmm...

— Milking an injury, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Homer: Oh, hello, Principal Skinner. I'd get up, but the boy crippled me. Principal Skinner: Mm hm. I understand completely.

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

Pr. Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, we have transcended incorrigible. I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick. I think it behooves us all to consider... deportation. Marge: Deportation!? You mean, kick Bart out of the country? Homer: Eh, hear him out, Marge.

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

Pr. Skinner: Our elementary school participates in a foreign exchange program. Normally, a student is selection on the basis of academic excellence or intelligence. But in Bart's case... I'm prepared to make a <big> exception. And if you're willing to play along, he can be spending the next three months studying far, far away. Homer: Sounds great!

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

Pr. Skinner: He'd be staying in France, in a lovely chateau in the heart of the wine country. Marge: But Bart doesn't speak French. Pr. Skinner: Oh, when he's fully immersed in a foreign language, the average child can become fluent in weeks! Homer: Yeah, but what about Bart? Pr. Skinner: I'm sure he'll pick up enough to get by.

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

Wait a minute, Skinner. How do we know some principal over in France isn't pulling the same scam you are!

— Homer learns that Bart has been selected for an exchange program, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Pr. Skinner: You'll be getting an Albanian. Homer: You mean, all white with pink eyes?

— Student exchange program, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Ah, the life of a frog. That's the life for me.

— Bart, "The Crepes of Wrath"

He makes <me> crazy twelve months a year. At least you get the summer off.

— Homer chats with Principal Skinner, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Bart: And I'd get to take a plane there, wouldn't I, Mom? Marge: Yes, Bart. Bart: And one back?

— We'll think about it, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Always remember that you're representing your country. I guess what I'm saying is... Don't mess up France the way you messed up your room.

— Homer sends Bart to France, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Lisa: You know, in Albania, the unit of currency is called the lek. Homer: Heh heh heh. The lek! Lisa: And the national flag is a two-headed eagle on a red field. Homer: Give me the ol' stars-and-stripes! Lisa: And the main export is furious political thought. Homer: Political what?

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

You will find life here at the ch\^ateau hard, but if you shut up and do exactly what we say, the time will pass more quickly.

— Cesar, "The Crepes of Wrath"

You might find his accent peculiar. Certain aspects of his culture may seem absurd, perhaps even offensive. But I urge you all to give little Adil the benefit of the doubt. This way, and only in this way, do we hope to better understand our backward neighbors throughout the world.

— Principal Skinner's introduction, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Adil: How can you defend a country where five percent of the people control ninety-five percent of the wealth? Lisa: I'm defending a country where people can think and act and worship any way they want. Adil: Cannot! Lisa: Can too! Adil: Cannot! Lisa: Can too! Homer: Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.

— The thoughts of a worker who does not control the means of production, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Marge: I'll just clean the dishes... Adil: No, Mrs. Simpson, you have been oppressed enough today. <I> will clear the dishes.

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

Did you see that? This is the way I always wanted it to be! We've become a fully-functioning family unit! We've always blamed ourselves, but I guess it's pretty clear which cylinder wasn't firing.

— Homer trades Bart for Adil, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Oh, she's just jealous. She'll get over it. And if she doesn't, we can always exchange her! Heh, heh, heh.

— Homer on Lisa's recent ourburst, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Homer: Look, Adil, you can call me `Dad'. Adil: All right... `Dad'. Homer: Awwww, you called me `Dad'.

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

None of my biological kids ever wanted to see me at work...

— Homer, upon Adil's request to see SNPP, "The Crepes of Wrath"

See these? American donuts. Glazed, powdered, and raspberry-filled. Now, how's <that> for freedom of choice!

— Homer introduces Adil to the American workplace, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Homer: Hey, Lenny, does this place have one of those plutonium isolation deals? Lenny: Yeah, in Sector 12. Homer: Sector 12? Lenny: Third floor, by the candy machine. Homer: Oh, <that> Sector 12!

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

We think Maggie may say her first word any day now.

— Marge's letter to Bart, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Quand je sens que ma foi dans les forces supr\^emes faiblit, je pense toujours au miracle de l'anti-freeze.

— Cesar, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Whenever my faith in God is shaken, I think of the miracle of anti-freeze.

— Cesar, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Cesar: [shoves a cup of wine in Bart's face] Drink this. Bart: Oh, no thanks. Cesar: Do not worry. This is France. It is customary for children to take a little wine now and then. Bart: Yeah, but it's got anti-freeze in there. Cesar: Drink it!

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

He sees well enough. Now go buy a case of anti-freeze.

— Cesar, "The Crepes of Wrath"

I'm so stupid. Anybody could've learned this dumb language by now. Here, I've listened to nothing but French for the past |{deux mois,} |[two months,] {et je ne sais pas un mot.} [And I haven't learned a word.] {Eh! Mais, je parle Fran\c{c}ais maintenant!} [Wait! I'm talking French now!] {Incroyable!} [Incredible!]

— Bart learns French, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Bart: You gotta help me. These two guys work me night and day. They don't feed me. They make me sleep on the floor. They put anti-freeze in the wine, and they gave my red hat to the donkey. Policeman: [shocked] Anti-freeze in the wine? That is a very serious crime.

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

Oh, just some blueprints Adil wanted. I'm telling you, he's such a curious little Dickens. I bet he could <build> a nukeeler power plant if he wanted to!

— Homer fetches classified information for Adil, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Homer: I'm his neighbor, what'd he do? Agent: [through the megaphone] Well, sir, the... [turns off the megaphone] Well, sir...

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

Spy: So, Sparrow, we meet again. Adil: Yes. Sometimes I think that I am getting too old for this game.

— "The Crepes of Wrath"

Good-bye, Adil! I'll send you those civil defense plans you wanted!

— Homer bids farewell to an Albanian spy, "The Crepes of Wrath"

So, basically, I met one nice French person.

— Bart's summary of his trip to France, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Some wise-guy stuck a cork in the bottle!

— Homer struggles to open a wine bottle, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Mon p\`ere! Quel bouffon!

— Bart, "The Crepes of Wrath"

Tester: This can't be right. This man has 104\% body fat! [turns to Homer] Hey, no eating in the tank! Homer: [with a chicken drumstick] Go to hell.

— Homer's tremendous size, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Marge: How was your day at work, dear? Homer: Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough.

— The usual day, eh?, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Burns: Now before we begin, let me make one thing clear for you. I want your legal advice. I even pay for it. But to me you're all vipers! You live on personal injuries, you live on divorces, you live on pain and misery! I-- [getting ahold of himself] Oh, but I'm rambling. Would anyone like some coffee? Lawyer: Yes, I would like some coffee. Burns: Want it black, don't you? Black like your heart? It's so hard for me to listen to you, I hate you all so much! [pause] I'm sorry, it's my problem, I'll deal with it. Please continue. Lawyer: If you offer Homer Simpson a token cash settlement, say a couple of thou, he'll be so dazzled, he'll sign anything you shove under his nose. Burns: [sarcastic] Oh, brilliant, a cash settlement. I could have figured that out, you buttoned-down maggot! Lawyer: Got any cream? Burns: Oh yes, of course, where are my manners?

— Burns' anti-lawyer rant, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Yeah, I used to be rich. I owned Mickey Mouse Massage Parlors. Then those Disney sleazeballs shut me down.

— A bum, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

I used to own a successful car company. My secret was giving them Japanese names.

— Herb Powell, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Herb: Any of you guys ever drive a Tempura Hatchback? Bum: Hey, I got hit by one of those!

— "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Forbes called it the blunder of the century. A bit overblown, don't you think? What about New Coke?

— Herb, talking about the car Homer designed, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Herb: This is America, and in America, you're never finished as long as you have a brain in your head, because all a man really needs is an idea. Bum 1: Well, I'm licked. Bum 2: Me too.

— "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

And now, the next event in our Living Room Olympics, the always controversial Couch Vault. [gruff voice] I do this for Stainmaster carpets, proud sponsor of the Living Room Olympics.

— Bart announces the Living Room Olympics, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

The dream is over!

— Homer laments the fate of the couch, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Homer: All right, who did this? Bart: We were just sitting on the couch quietly chatting when we heard a creaking noise. Lisa: We leapt off just in time to see it collapse. [puts her head on Bart's shoulder] Bart: There, there, you're safe now, little sister.

— "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Why did this have to happen now during prime time, when TV's brightest stars come out to shine?

— Homer laments the fate of the couch, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Well, friend, you're going back where you came from... the curb in front of Flanders' house.

— Homer laments the fate of the couch, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Herb: [confronting her] Lady, you just gave me the idea of a lifetime! How do I thank you? Lady: Please don't hurt me. Herb: Consider it done.

— There's gratitude for 'ya, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Burns: [whispering] This is the man with the lazy sperm? Smithers: Mm hmm. Burns: Ah, Simpson, you big virile son of a gun!

— "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Wait a minute, I'm not signing anything until I read it, or someone gives me the gist of it.

— Homer, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Lisa: This show is the biggest farce I ever saw! Bart: What about the Emmys? Lisa: I stand corrected.

— Lisa and Bart, chattin' it up, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

[reading off a teleprompter] Webster's dictionary defines excellence as "the state or condition of being excellent." And now, the winner of the First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence...

— Smokin' Joe Frazier, "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"

Homer: [crossing fingers] Please, please, please, please, please! Lisa: Dad, you know you won! Homer: Don't jinx it!

— "Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?"