BOFH Excuses

clock speed

— BOFH excuse #1

solar flares

— BOFH excuse #2

electromagnetic radiation from satellite debris

— BOFH excuse #3

static from nylon underwear

— BOFH excuse #4

static from plastic slide rules

— BOFH excuse #5

global warming

— BOFH excuse #6

poor power conditioning

— BOFH excuse #7

static buildup

— BOFH excuse #8

doppler effect

— BOFH excuse #9

hardware stress fractures

— BOFH excuse #10

magnetic interferance from money/credit cards

— BOFH excuse #11

dry joints on cable plug

— BOFH excuse #12

we're waiting for [the phone company] to fix that line

— BOFH excuse #13

sounds like a Windows problem, try calling Microsoft support

— BOFH excuse #14

temporary routing anomoly

— BOFH excuse #15

somebody was calculating pi on the server

— BOFH excuse #16

fat electrons in the lines

— BOFH excuse #17

excess surge protection

— BOFH excuse #18

floating point processor overflow

— BOFH excuse #19

divide-by-zero error

— BOFH excuse #20

POSIX complience problem

— BOFH excuse #21

monitor resolution too high

— BOFH excuse #22

improperly oriented keyboard

— BOFH excuse #23

network packets travelling uphill (use a carrier pigeon)

— BOFH excuse #24

Decreasing electron flux

— BOFH excuse #25

first Saturday after first full moon in Winter

— BOFH excuse #26

radiosity depletion

— BOFH excuse #27

CPU radiator broken

— BOFH excuse #28

It works the way the Wang did, what's the problem

— BOFH excuse #29

positron router malfunction

— BOFH excuse #30

cellular telephone interference

— BOFH excuse #31

techtonic stress

— BOFH excuse #32

pizeo-electric interference

— BOFH excuse #33

(l)user error

— BOFH excuse #34

working as designed

— BOFH excuse #35

dynamic software linking table corrupted

— BOFH excuse #36

heavy gravity fluctuation, move computer to floor rapidly

— BOFH excuse #37

secretary plugged hairdryer into UPS

— BOFH excuse #38

terrorist activities

— BOFH excuse #39

not enough memory, go get system upgrade

— BOFH excuse #40

interrupt configuration error

— BOFH excuse #41

spaghetti cable cause packet failure

— BOFH excuse #42

boss forgot system password

— BOFH excuse #43

bank holiday - system operating credits not recharged

— BOFH excuse #44

virus attack, luser responsible

— BOFH excuse #45

waste water tank overflowed onto computer

— BOFH excuse #46

Complete Transient Lockout

— BOFH excuse #47

bad ether in the cables

— BOFH excuse #48

Bogon emissions

— BOFH excuse #49

Change in Earth's rotational speed

— BOFH excuse #50

Cosmic ray particles crashed through the hard disk platter

— BOFH excuse #51

Smell from unhygenic janitorial staff wrecked the tape heads

— BOFH excuse #52

Little hamster in running wheel had coronary; waiting for replacement to be Fedexed from Wyoming

— BOFH excuse #53

Evil dogs hypnotized the night shift

— BOFH excuse #54

Plumber mistook routing panel for decorative wall fixture

— BOFH excuse #55

Electricians made popcorn in the power supply

— BOFH excuse #56

Groundskeepers stole the root password

— BOFH excuse #57

high pressure system failure

— BOFH excuse #58

failed trials, system needs redesigned

— BOFH excuse #59

system has been recalled

— BOFH excuse #60

not approved by the FCC

— BOFH excuse #61

need to wrap system in aluminum foil to fix problem

— BOFH excuse #62

not properly grounded, please bury computer

— BOFH excuse #63

CPU needs recalibration

— BOFH excuse #64

system needs to be rebooted

— BOFH excuse #65

bit bucket overflow

— BOFH excuse #66

descramble code needed from software company

— BOFH excuse #67

only available on a need to know basis

— BOFH excuse #68

knot in cables caused data stream to become twisted and kinked

— BOFH excuse #69

nesting roaches shorted out the ether cable

— BOFH excuse #70

The file system is full of it

— BOFH excuse #71

Satan did it

— BOFH excuse #72

Daemons did it

— BOFH excuse #73

You're out of memory

— BOFH excuse #74

There isn't any problem

— BOFH excuse #75

Unoptimized hard drive

— BOFH excuse #76

Typo in the code

— BOFH excuse #77

Yes, yes, its called a desgin limitation

— BOFH excuse #78

Look, buddy: Windows 3.1 IS A General Protection Fault.

— BOFH excuse #79

That's a great computer you have there; have you considered how it would work as a BSD machine?

— BOFH excuse #80

Please excuse me, I have to circuit an AC line through my head to get this database working.

— BOFH excuse #81

Yeah, yo mama dresses you funny and you need a mouse to delete files.

— BOFH excuse #82

Support staff hung over, send aspirin and come back LATER.

— BOFH excuse #83

Someone is standing on the ethernet cable, causeing a kink in the cable

— BOFH excuse #84

Windows 95 undocumented "feature"

— BOFH excuse #85

Runt packets

— BOFH excuse #86

Password is too complex to decrypt

— BOFH excuse #87

Boss' kid fucked up the machine

— BOFH excuse #88

Electromagnetic energy loss

— BOFH excuse #89

Budget cuts

— BOFH excuse #90

Mouse chewed through power cable

— BOFH excuse #91

Stale file handle (next time use Tupperware(tm)!)

— BOFH excuse #92

Feature not yet implimented

— BOFH excuse #93

Internet outage

— BOFH excuse #94

Pentium FDIV bug

— BOFH excuse #95

Vendor no longer supports the product

— BOFH excuse #96

Small animal kamikaze attack on power supplies

— BOFH excuse #97

The vendor put the bug there.

— BOFH excuse #98

SIMM crosstalk.

— BOFH excuse #99

IRQ dropout

— BOFH excuse #100

Collapsed Backbone

— BOFH excuse #101

Power company testing new voltage spike (creation) equipment

— BOFH excuse #102

operators on strike due to broken coffee machine

— BOFH excuse #103

backup tape overwritten with copy of system manager's favourite CD

— BOFH excuse #104

UPS interrupted the server's power

— BOFH excuse #105

The electrician didn't know what the yellow cable was so he yanked the ethernet out.

— BOFH excuse #106

The keyboard isn't plugged in

— BOFH excuse #107

The air conditioning water supply pipe ruptured over the machine room

— BOFH excuse #108

The electricity substation in the car park blew up.

— BOFH excuse #109

The rolling stones concert down the road caused a brown out

— BOFH excuse #110

The salesman drove over the CPU board.

— BOFH excuse #111

The monitor is plugged into the serial port

— BOFH excuse #112

Root nameservers are out of sync

— BOFH excuse #113

electro-magnetic pulses from French above ground nuke testing.

— BOFH excuse #114

your keyboard's space bar is generating spurious keycodes.

— BOFH excuse #115

the real ttys became pseudo ttys and vice-versa.

— BOFH excuse #116

the printer thinks its a router.

— BOFH excuse #117

the router thinks its a printer.

— BOFH excuse #118

evil hackers from Serbia.

— BOFH excuse #119

we just switched to FDDI.

— BOFH excuse #120

halon system went off and killed the operators.

— BOFH excuse #121

because Bill Gates is a Jehovah's witness and so nothing can work on St. Swithin's day.

— BOFH excuse #122

user to computer ratio too high.

— BOFH excuse #123

user to computer ration too low.

— BOFH excuse #124

we just switched to Sprint.

— BOFH excuse #125

it has Intel Inside

— BOFH excuse #126

Sticky bits on disk.

— BOFH excuse #127

Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor

— BOFH excuse #128

The ring needs another token

— BOFH excuse #129

new management

— BOFH excuse #130

telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused

— BOFH excuse #131

SCSI Chain overterminated

— BOFH excuse #132

It's not plugged in.

— BOFH excuse #133

because of network lag due to too many people playing deathmatch

— BOFH excuse #134

You put the disk in upside down.

— BOFH excuse #135

Daemons loose in system.

— BOFH excuse #136

User was distributing pornography on server; system seized by FBI.

— BOFH excuse #137

BNC (brain not (user brain not connected)

— BOFH excuse #138

UBNC (user brain not connected)

— BOFH excuse #139

LBNC (luser brain not connected)

— BOFH excuse #140

disks spinning backwards - toggle the hemisphere jumper.

— BOFH excuse #141

new guy cross-connected phone lines with ac power bus.

— BOFH excuse #142

had to use hammer to free stuck disk drive heads.

— BOFH excuse #143

Too few computrons available.

— BOFH excuse #144

Flat tire on station wagon with tapes. ("Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway" Andrew S. Tanenbaum)

— BOFH excuse #145

Communications satellite used by the military for star wars.

— BOFH excuse #146

Party-bug in the Aloha protocol.

— BOFH excuse #147

Insert coin for new game

— BOFH excuse #148

Dew on the telephone lines.

— BOFH excuse #149

Arcserve crashed the server again.

— BOFH excuse #150

Some one needed the powerstrip, so they pulled the switch plug.

— BOFH excuse #151

My pony-tail hit the on/off switch on the power strip.

— BOFH excuse #152

Big to little endian conversion error

— BOFH excuse #153

You can tune a file system, but you can't tune a fish (from most tunefs man pages)

— BOFH excuse #154

Dumb terminal

— BOFH excuse #155

Zombie processes haunting the computer

— BOFH excuse #156

Incorrect time syncronization

— BOFH excuse #157

Defunct processes

— BOFH excuse #158

Stubborn processes

— BOFH excuse #159

non-redundant fan failure

— BOFH excuse #160

monitor VLF leakage

— BOFH excuse #161

bugs in the RAID

— BOFH excuse #162

no "any" key on keyboard

— BOFH excuse #163

root rot

— BOFH excuse #164

Backbone Scoliosis

— BOFH excuse #165

/pub/lunch

— BOFH excuse #166

excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances

— BOFH excuse #167

le0: no carrier: transceiver cable problem?

— BOFH excuse #168

broadcast packets on wrong frequency

— BOFH excuse #169

popper unable to process jumbo kernel

— BOFH excuse #170

NOTICE: alloc: /dev/null: filesystem full

— BOFH excuse #171

pseudo-user on a pseudo-terminal

— BOFH excuse #172

Recursive traversal of loopback mount points

— BOFH excuse #173

Backbone adjustment

— BOFH excuse #174

OS swapped to disk

— BOFH excuse #175

vapors from evaporating sticky-note adhesives

— BOFH excuse #176

sticktion

— BOFH excuse #177

short leg on process table

— BOFH excuse #178

multicasts on broken packets

— BOFH excuse #179

ether leak

— BOFH excuse #180

Atilla the Hub

— BOFH excuse #181

endothermal recalibration

— BOFH excuse #182

filesystem not big enough for Jumbo Kernel Patch

— BOFH excuse #183

loop found in loop in redundant loopback

— BOFH excuse #184

system consumed all the paper for paging

— BOFH excuse #185

permission denied

— BOFH excuse #186

Reformatting Page. Wait...

— BOFH excuse #187

..disk or the processor is on fire.

— BOFH excuse #188

SCSI's too wide.

— BOFH excuse #189

Proprietary Information.

— BOFH excuse #190

Just type 'mv * /dev/null'.

— BOFH excuse #191

runaway cat on system.

— BOFH excuse #192

Did you pay the new Support Fee?

— BOFH excuse #193

We only support a 1200 bps connection.

— BOFH excuse #194

We only support a 28000 bps connection.

— BOFH excuse #195

Me no internet, only janitor, me just wax floors.

— BOFH excuse #196

I'm sorry a pentium won't do, you need an SGI to connect with us.

— BOFH excuse #197

Post-it Note Sludge leaked into the monitor.

— BOFH excuse #198

the curls in your keyboard cord are losing electricity.

— BOFH excuse #199

The monitor needs another box of pixels.

— BOFH excuse #200

RPC_PMAP_FAILURE

— BOFH excuse #201

kernel panic: write-only-memory (/dev/wom0) capacity exceeded.

— BOFH excuse #202

Write-only-memory subsystem too slow for this machine. Contact your local dealer.

— BOFH excuse #203

Just pick up the phone and give modem connect sounds. "Well you said we should get more lines so we don't have voice lines."

— BOFH excuse #204

Quantum dynamics are affecting the transistors

— BOFH excuse #205

Police are examining all internet packets in the search for a narco-net-traficer

— BOFH excuse #206

We are currently trying a new concept of using a live mouse. Unfortuantely, one has yet to survive being hooked up to the computer.....please bear with us.

— BOFH excuse #207

Your mail is being routed through Germany ... and they're censoring us.

— BOFH excuse #208

Only people with names beginning with 'A' are getting mail this week (a la Microsoft)

— BOFH excuse #209

We didn't pay the Internet bill and it's been cut off.

— BOFH excuse #210

Lightning strikes.

— BOFH excuse #211

Of course it doesn't work. We've performed a software upgrade.

— BOFH excuse #212

Change your language to Finnish.

— BOFH excuse #213

Flourescent lights are generating negative ions. If turning them off doesn't work, take them out and put tin foil on the ends.

— BOFH excuse #214

High nuclear activity in your area.

— BOFH excuse #215

What office are you in? Oh, that one. Did you know that your building was built over the universities first nuclear research site? And wow, are'nt you the lucky one, your office is right over where the core is buried!

— BOFH excuse #216

The MGs ran out of gas.

— BOFH excuse #217

The UPS doesn't have a battery backup.

— BOFH excuse #218

Recursivity. Call back if it happens again.

— BOFH excuse #219

Someone thought The Big Red Button was a light switch.

— BOFH excuse #220

The mainframe needs to rest. It's getting old, you know.

— BOFH excuse #221

I'm not sure. Try calling the Internet's head office -- it's in the book.

— BOFH excuse #222

The lines are all busy (busied out, that is -- why let them in to begin with?).

— BOFH excuse #223

Jan 9 16:41:27 huber su: 'su root' succeeded for .... on /dev/pts/1

— BOFH excuse #224

It's those computer people in X {city of world}. They keep stuffing things up.

— BOFH excuse #225

A star wars satellite accidently blew up the WAN.

— BOFH excuse #226

Fatal error right in front of screen

— BOFH excuse #227

That function is not currently supported, but Bill Gates assures us it will be featured in the next upgrade.

— BOFH excuse #228

wrong polarity of neutron flow

— BOFH excuse #229

Lusers learning curve appears to be fractal

— BOFH excuse #230

We had to turn off that service to comply with the CDA Bill.

— BOFH excuse #231

Ionisation from the air-conditioning

— BOFH excuse #232

TCP/IP UDP alarm threshold is set too low.

— BOFH excuse #233

Someone is broadcasting pigmy packets and the router dosn't know how to deal with them.

— BOFH excuse #234

The new frame relay network hasn't bedded down the software loop transmitter yet.

— BOFH excuse #235

Fanout dropping voltage too much, try cutting some of those little traces

— BOFH excuse #236

Plate voltage too low on demodulator tube

— BOFH excuse #237

You did wha... oh _dear_....

— BOFH excuse #238

CPU needs bearings repacked

— BOFH excuse #239

Too many little pins on CPU confusing it, bend back and forth until 10-20\% are neatly removed. Do _not_ leave metal bits visible!

— BOFH excuse #240

_Rosin_ core solder? But...

— BOFH excuse #241

Software uses US measurements, but the OS is in metric...

— BOFH excuse #242

The computer fletely, mouse and all.

— BOFH excuse #243

Your cat tried to eat the mouse.

— BOFH excuse #244

The Borg tried to assimilate your system. Resistance is futile.

— BOFH excuse #245

It must have been the lightning storm we had (yesterdy) (last week) (last month)

— BOFH excuse #246

Due to Federal Budget problems we have been forced to cut back on the number of users able to access the system at one time. (namely none allowed....)

— BOFH excuse #247

Too much radiation coming from the soil.

— BOFH excuse #248

Unfortunately we have run out of bits/bytes/whatever. Don't worry, the next supply will be coming next week.

— BOFH excuse #249

Program load too heavy for processor to lift.

— BOFH excuse #250

Processes running slowly due to weak power supply

— BOFH excuse #251

Our ISP is having {switching,routing,SMDS,frame relay} problems

— BOFH excuse #252

We've run out of licenses

— BOFH excuse #253

Interference from lunar radiation

— BOFH excuse #254

Standing room only on the bus.

— BOFH excuse #255

You need to install an RTFM interface.

— BOFH excuse #256

That would be because the software doesn't work.

— BOFH excuse #257

That's easy to fix, but I can't be bothered.

— BOFH excuse #258

Someone's tie is caught in the printer, and if anything else gets printed, he'll be in it too.

— BOFH excuse #259

We're upgrading /dev/null

— BOFH excuse #260

The Usenet news is out of date

— BOFH excuse #261

Our POP server was kidnapped by a weasel.

— BOFH excuse #262

It's stuck in the Web.

— BOFH excuse #263

Your modem doesn't speak English.

— BOFH excuse #264

The mouse escaped.

— BOFH excuse #265

All of the packets are empty.

— BOFH excuse #266

The UPS is on strike.

— BOFH excuse #267

Neutrino overload on the nameserver

— BOFH excuse #268

Melting hard drives

— BOFH excuse #269

Someone has messed up the kernel pointers

— BOFH excuse #270

The kernel license has expired

— BOFH excuse #271

Netscape has crashed

— BOFH excuse #272

The cord jumped over and hit the power switch.

— BOFH excuse #273

It was OK before you touched it.

— BOFH excuse #274

Bit rot

— BOFH excuse #275

U.S. Postal Service

— BOFH excuse #276

Your Flux Capacitor has gone bad.

— BOFH excuse #277

The Dilithium Cyrstals need to be rotated.

— BOFH excuse #278

The static electricity routing is acting up...

— BOFH excuse #279

Traceroute says that there is a routing problem in the backbone. It's not our problem.

— BOFH excuse #280

The co-locator cannot verify the frame-relay gateway to the ISDN server.

— BOFH excuse #281

High altitude condensation from U.S.A.F prototype aircraft has contaminated the primary subnet mask. Turn off your computer for 9 days to avoid damaging it.

— BOFH excuse #282

Lawn mower blade in your fan need sharpening

— BOFH excuse #283

Electrons on a bender

— BOFH excuse #284

Telecommunications is upgrading.

— BOFH excuse #285

Telecommunications is downgrading.

— BOFH excuse #286

Telecommunications is downshifting.

— BOFH excuse #287

Hard drive sleeping. Let it wake up on it's own...

— BOFH excuse #288

Interference between the keyboard and the chair.

— BOFH excuse #289

The CPU has shifted, and become decentralized.

— BOFH excuse #290

Due to the CDA, we no longer have a root account.

— BOFH excuse #291

We ran out of dial tone and we're and waiting for the phone company to deliver another bottle.

— BOFH excuse #292

You must've hit the wrong anykey.

— BOFH excuse #293

PCMCIA slave driver

— BOFH excuse #294

The Token fell out of the ring. Call us when you find it.

— BOFH excuse #295

The hardware bus needs a new token.

— BOFH excuse #296

Too many interrupts

— BOFH excuse #297

Not enough interrupts

— BOFH excuse #298

The data on your hard drive is out of balance.

— BOFH excuse #299

Digital Manipulator exceeding velocity parameters

— BOFH excuse #300

appears to be a Slow/Narrow SCSI-0 Interface problem

— BOFH excuse #301

microelectronic Riemannian curved-space fault in write-only file system

— BOFH excuse #302

fractal radiation jamming the backbone

— BOFH excuse #303

routing problems on the neural net

— BOFH excuse #304

IRQ-problems with the Un-Interruptable-Power-Supply

— BOFH excuse #305

CPU-angle has to be adjusted because of vibrations coming from the nearby road

— BOFH excuse #306

emissions from GSM-phones

— BOFH excuse #307

CD-ROM server needs recalibration

— BOFH excuse #308

firewall needs cooling

— BOFH excuse #309

asynchronous inode failure

— BOFH excuse #310

transient bus protocol violation

— BOFH excuse #311

incompatible bit-registration operators

— BOFH excuse #312

your process is not ISO 9000 compliant

— BOFH excuse #313

You need to upgrade your VESA local bus to a MasterCard local bus.

— BOFH excuse #314

The recent proliferation of Nuclear Testing

— BOFH excuse #315

Elves on strike. (Why do they call EMAG Elf Magic)

— BOFH excuse #316

Internet exceeded Luser level, please wait until a luser logs off before attempting to log back on.

— BOFH excuse #317

Your EMAIL is now being delivered by the USPS.

— BOFH excuse #318

Your computer hasn't been returning all the bits it gets from the Internet.

— BOFH excuse #319

You've been infected by the Telescoping Hubble virus.

— BOFH excuse #320

Scheduled global CPU outage

— BOFH excuse #321

Your Pentium has a heating problem - try cooling it with ice cold water.(Do not turn of your computer, you do not want to cool down the Pentium Chip while he isn't working, do you?)

— BOFH excuse #322

Your processor has processed too many intructions. Turn it off emideately, do not type any commands!!

— BOFH excuse #323

Your packets were eaten by the terminator

— BOFH excuse #324

Your processor does not develop enough heat.

— BOFH excuse #325

We need a licensed electrician to replace the light bulbs in the computer room.

— BOFH excuse #326

The POP server is out of Coke

— BOFH excuse #327

Fiber optics caused gas main leak

— BOFH excuse #328

Server depressed, needs Prozak

— BOFH excuse #329

quatnum decoherence

— BOFH excuse #330

those damn racoons!

— BOFH excuse #331

suboptimal routing experience

— BOFH excuse #332

A plumber is needed, the network drain is clogged

— BOFH excuse #333

50\% of the manual is in .pdf readme files

— BOFH excuse #334

the AA battery in the wallclock sends magnetic interference

— BOFH excuse #335

the xy axis in the trackball is coordinated with the summer soltice

— BOFH excuse #336

the butane lighter causes the pincushioning

— BOFH excuse #337

old inkjet cartridges emanate barium-based fumes

— BOFH excuse #338

manager in the cable duct

— BOFH excuse #339

Well fix that in the next (upgrade, update, patch release, service pack).

— BOFH excuse #340

HTTPD Error 666 : BOFH was here

— BOFH excuse #341

HTTPD Error 4004 : very old Intel cpu - insufficient processing power

— BOFH excuse #342

The ATM board has run out of 10 pound notes. We are having a whip round to refill it, care to contribute ?

— BOFH excuse #343

Network failure - call NBC

— BOFH excuse #344

Having to manually track the satellite.

— BOFH excuse #345

Your/our computer(s) had suffered a memory leak, and we are waiting for them to be topped up.

— BOFH excuse #346

The rubber band broke

— BOFH excuse #347

We're on Token Ring, and it looks like the token got loose.

— BOFH excuse #348

Stray Alpha Particles from memory packaging caused Hard Memory Error on Server.

— BOFH excuse #349

paradigm shift...without a clutch

— BOFH excuse #350

PEBKAC (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)

— BOFH excuse #351

The cables are not the same length.

— BOFH excuse #352

Second-sytem effect.

— BOFH excuse #353

Chewing gum on /dev/sd3c

— BOFH excuse #354

Boredom in the Kernel.

— BOFH excuse #355

the daemons! the daemons! the terrible daemons!

— BOFH excuse #356

I'd love to help you -- it's just that the Boss won't let me near the computer.

— BOFH excuse #357

struck by the Good Times virus

— BOFH excuse #358

YOU HAVE AN I/O ERROR -> Incompetent Operator error

— BOFH excuse #359

Your parity check is overdrawn and you're out of cache.

— BOFH excuse #360

Communist revolutionaries taking over the server room and demanding all the computers in the building or they shoot the sysadmin. Poor misguided fools.

— BOFH excuse #361

Plasma conduit breach

— BOFH excuse #362

Out of cards on drive D:

— BOFH excuse #363

Sand fleas eating the Internet cables

— BOFH excuse #364

parallel processors running perpendicular today

— BOFH excuse #365

ATM cell has no roaming feature turned on, notebooks can't connect

— BOFH excuse #366

Webmasters kidnapped by evil cult.

— BOFH excuse #367

Failure to adjust for daylight savings time.

— BOFH excuse #368

Virus transmitted from computer to sysadmins.

— BOFH excuse #369

Virus due to computers having unsafe sex.

— BOFH excuse #370

Incorrectly configured static routes on the corerouters.

— BOFH excuse #371

Forced to support NT servers; sysadmins quit.

— BOFH excuse #372

Suspicious pointer corrupted virtual machine

— BOFH excuse #373

Its the InterNIC's fault.

— BOFH excuse #374

Root name servers corrupted.

— BOFH excuse #375

Budget cuts forced us to sell all the power cords for the servers.

— BOFH excuse #376

Someone hooked the twisted pair wires into the answering machine.

— BOFH excuse #377

Operators killed by year 2000 bug bite.

— BOFH excuse #378

We've picked COBOL as the language of choice.

— BOFH excuse #379

Operators killed when huge stack of backup tapes fell over.

— BOFH excuse #380

Robotic tape changer mistook operator's tie for a backup tape.

— BOFH excuse #381

Someone was smoking in the computer room and set off the halon systems.

— BOFH excuse #382

Your processor has taken a ride to Heaven's Gate on the UFO behind Hale-Bopp's comet.

— BOFH excuse #383

t's an ID-10-T error

— BOFH excuse #384

Dyslexics retyping hosts file on servers

— BOFH excuse #385

The Internet is being scanned for viruses.

— BOFH excuse #386

Your computer's union contract is set to expire at midnight.

— BOFH excuse #387

Bad user karma.

— BOFH excuse #388

/dev/clue was linked to /dev/null

— BOFH excuse #389

Increased sunspot activity.

— BOFH excuse #390

We already sent around a notice about that.

— BOFH excuse #391

It's union rules. There's nothing we can do about it. Sorry.

— BOFH excuse #392

Interferance from the Van Allen Belt.

— BOFH excuse #393

Jupiter is aligned with Mars.

— BOFH excuse #394

Redundant ACLs.

— BOFH excuse #395

Mail server hit by UniSpammer.

— BOFH excuse #396

T-1's congested due to porn traffic to the news server.

— BOFH excuse #397

Data for intranet got routed through the extranet and landed on the internet.

— BOFH excuse #398

We are a 100\% Microsoft Shop.

— BOFH excuse #399

We are Microsoft. What you are experiencing is not a problem; it is an undocumented feature.

— BOFH excuse #400

Sales staff sold a product we don't offer.

— BOFH excuse #401

Secretary sent chain letter to all 5000 employees.

— BOFH excuse #402

Sysadmin didn't hear pager go off due to loud music from bar-room speakers.

— BOFH excuse #403

Sysadmin accidentally destroyed pager with a large hammer.

— BOFH excuse #404

Sysadmins unavailable because they are in a meeting talking about why they are unavailable so much.

— BOFH excuse #405

Bad cafeteria food landed all the sysadmins in the hospital.

— BOFH excuse #406

Route flapping at the NAP.

— BOFH excuse #407

Computers under water due to SYN flooding.

— BOFH excuse #408

The vulcan-death-grip ping has been applied.

— BOFH excuse #409

Electrical conduits in machine room are melting.

— BOFH excuse #410

Traffic jam on the Information Superhighway.

— BOFH excuse #411

Radial Telemetry Infiltration

— BOFH excuse #412

Cow-tippers tipped a cow onto the server.

— BOFH excuse #413

tachyon emissions overloading the system

— BOFH excuse #414

Maintence window broken

— BOFH excuse #415

We're out of slots on the server

— BOFH excuse #416

Computer room being moved. Our systems are down for the weekend.

— BOFH excuse #417

Sysadmins busy fighting SPAM.

— BOFH excuse #418

Repeated reboots of the system failed to solve problem

— BOFH excuse #419

Feature was not beta tested

— BOFH excuse #420

Domain controler not responding

— BOFH excuse #421

Someone else stole your IP address, call the Internet detectives!

— BOFH excuse #422

It's not RFC-822 compliant.

— BOFH excuse #423

operation failed because: there is no message for this error (#1014)

— BOFH excuse #424

stop bit received

— BOFH excuse #425

internet is needed to catch the etherbunny

— BOFH excuse #426

network down, IP packets delivered via UPS

— BOFH excuse #427

Firmware update in the coffee machine

— BOFH excuse #428

Temporal anomaly

— BOFH excuse #429

Mouse has out-of-cheese-error

— BOFH excuse #430

Borg implants are failing

— BOFH excuse #431

Borg nanites have infested the server

— BOFH excuse #432

error: one bad user found in front of screen

— BOFH excuse #433

Please state the nature of the technical emergency

— BOFH excuse #434

Internet shut down due to maintainance

— BOFH excuse #435

Daemon escaped from pentagram

— BOFH excuse #436

crop circles in the corn shell

— BOFH excuse #437

sticky bit has come loose

— BOFH excuse #438

Hot Java has gone cold

— BOFH excuse #439

Cache miss - please take better aim next time

— BOFH excuse #440

Hash table has woodworm

— BOFH excuse #441

Trojan horse ran out of hay

— BOFH excuse #442

Zombie processess detected, machine is haunted.

— BOFH excuse #443

overflow error in /dev/null

— BOFH excuse #444

Browser's cookie is corrupted -- someone's been nibbling on it.

— BOFH excuse #445

Mailer-daemon is busy burning your message in hell.

— BOFH excuse #446

According to Microsoft, it's by design

— BOFH excuse #447

vi needs to be upgraded to vii

— BOFH excuse #448