Slashdot

Yes... I feel your pain... but as a former first poster (I scored mine a couple months ago) I know what you went through. Here's where you screwed up though... YOU DIDN'T PULL THE TRIGGER. You didn't carpe diem. Yep... When I saw that nice clean article with no posts I didn't hesitate, yes the adrenaline was surging... my palms were wet, heart pounding. I was standing at the peak of greatness... I knew I had but one thing to do, there was no turning back now... I rapidly typed in a one word post.. then with no hesitation I navigated my mouse over the submit button... and WHAM.. seconds later I was looking at my feeble post with a #1 attached to the header. At that mmoment I knew a feeling that only few will ever know... I was at one with Slashdot... Zen masters and Kings will relate I'm sure. That one sweet moment when the ying and the yang converge... bliss... eternal bliss... ahhh! Then I smoked a cigarette and went to bed.

— Anonymous Coward, in response to a "First Post!" that clearly wasn't.

What If Bill Gates Was a Stand-Up Comedian? 1. None of his jokes would be funny. 2. Subliminal message hyping Microsoft and Windows 98 would be inserted throughout his performance. 3. The audio system (running Windows NT) would always crash right before Bill got to a punch line. At that time one of the managers would announce, "Please hold tight while we diagnose this intermittent issue." 4. Tickets for Bill's show would be handed out for free in an attempt to attract customers away from Netscape's shows. 5. Industry pundits would call Bill's show "innovative" and would ask "Why doesn't IBM have a stand-up routine? This is exactly why OS/2 is failing in the market." 6. Bill's show would be called "ActiveHumor 98" 7. In a perfect imitation of his Windows 95 OS, Bill wouldn't be able to tell a joke and walk around at the same time. 8. Audience members would have to sign a License Agreement in which one of the terms is "I agree never to watch Linus Torvalds' show, 'GNU/Humorux'". 9. All audience members would receive a free CD of Internet Explorer 4.0, with FakeJava(R) and ActiveHex(tm) technology. 10. Bill Gates would appear on Saturday Night Live, causing ratings to drop even further.

Caller: I just installed Windows 95 on my computer. Tech Support: And...? Caller: It's not working. Tech Support: You already said that.

An OS/2 professional visits a seminar for Windows 95. During the practice lesson Bill Gates asks him: "What do you like about Windows95?" He answers, "That YOU have to use it."

Choose two: (A) Fast (B) Efficient (C) Stable (D) Windows 95 (counts as two)

Are you scared of speed? If so, then try Windows 95.

Windows 95 is not a virus. Viruses actually do something.

"Windows for Dummies" is much more than a book title, it's a Microsoft way of life!

Windows 95: Proof that P. T. Barnum was right.

Windows 95 is the most popular virus on the market today.

Windows is the only solitaire game that requires 16 MB of RAM.

Windows is the best $89 solitaire game you can buy.

If Windows is so user-friendly, then why do you need a 678-page manual?

The word "Windows" is a word out of an old dialect of the Apaches. It means: "White man staring through glass-screen onto an hourglass..."

Bang on the LEFT side of your computer to restart Windows.

Double your drive space: Delete Windows!

Favorite Windows game: "Guess what this icon does?"

Windows 95 is crash compatible with Windows 1.0, 2.x, and 3.x.

Some Windows were made to be broken.

Turn your Pentium into a Gameboy: Type WIN at C:\>

Bugs come in through open Windows.

Windows 98: New look, same multicrashing.

Windows 2000 will be released as soon as Windows 98 finishes loading.

Windows 95 really does have pre-emptive multitasking: It can boot and crash at the same time.

Windows NT - Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty.

Windows is just another pane in the glass.

Windows - From the people who brought you EDLIN!

If Windows sucked it would be good for something.

If I wanted Windows, I'd live in a greenhouse!

New screensaver released: Curtains for Windows.

I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying...

I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better.

I can't wait for EDLIN to be ported for Windows.

Father, forgive me, I've been caught using Windows...

Breaking Windows isn't just for kids anymore...

Beat me, whip me, make me use Windows!

A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle

Coming soon: Visual Edlin for Windows.

Hiroshima '45 Tschernobyl '86 Windows '95

Windows 2000 is out!

— PC Magazine, April 2013

Ever noticed how fast Windows runs? Neither did I!

Windows: It's not pretty. It's not ugly. But it's pretty ugly.

Windows Tip of the Day: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to your CONFIG.SYS file.

A fool and his money are soon using Windows.

Tip of the day: The Windows 95 CD-ROM makes an excellent skeet shoot target.

Microsoft does have a Y2K problem... it's called Linux!

HAL 9000: Dave. Put down those Windows disks, Dave. DAVE!

He whom opens thee Windows invites the bugs in.

If at first you don't succeed, you must be using Windows.

The Magic of Windows: Turns a 486 back into a PC/XT.

This fortune does not require Microsoft Windows.

Welcome to Hell! Here's your copy of Windows!

Windows is the best GUI - It always sticks!

Windows NT Performance, on the next "In Search Of"

Windows NT: Only 16 megs needed to play Minesweeper!

Windows NT: Vaporware of the desperate and scared.

Windows: The answer to a question nobody has ever asked.

Windows: an Unrecoverable Acquisition Error!

Windows: XT emulator for an Pentium.

Dogs crawl under fences... software crawls under Windows 95.

Friends don't let friends use Windows 95.

"A copy of Windows 95 and 4x4 MB of SIMMs, please."

C:\WINDOWS>DEL *.* I feel better now.

Windows is a pane in the ASCII.

Buy a Pentium III so you can reboot faster.

Windows 95 never has bugs. It just develops random features.

In 1968 it took the computing power of 2 C-64's to fly a rocket to the moon. Now, in 1998 it takes the Power of a Pentium 200 to run Microsoft Windows 95. Something must have gone wrong.

Microsoft is to Software as McDonalds is to Cuisine.

Microsoft broke Volkswagen's world record: Volkswagen only made 22 million bugs!

BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!

Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

DOS Tip of the Day: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS file.

Robert Tappen Morris, Jr., got six months in jail for crashing 10\% of the computers that Bill Gates made $100 million crashing last weekend.

I once heard Bill Gates say, "WHAT?!?! Netscape caused an invalid page fault!?! Only Microsoft programs have the code to do that!"

Intel Inside, Idiot Outside.

The gates in my computer are AND, OR and NOT; they are not Bill.

What are YOU doing to oppose the Microsoft Juggernaut?

Bill Gates to his broker: "You idiot, I said $150 million on SNAPPLE!!!"

Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...

If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft.

The Microsoft Motto: "We're the leaders, wait for us!"

The memory management in Windows 95 can be used to frighten small children.

How dare the government intervene to stifle innovation in the computer industry! That's Microsoft's job, dammit!

Better dead than Redmond.

It's trivial to make fun of Microsoft products, but it takes a real man to make them work, and a god to make them do anything useful.

Virus error: A virus has been activated in a DOS session. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.

Blackmail Error: Send $200 to Bill Gates or your computer will get so messed up it will never work again.

Windows 95 has been operating for 2 hours, 32 minutes. No errors reported. CALL GUINESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS NOW!

Windows found - Remove? (Y)es (S)ure (F)ine (O)K

Please insert the floppy disk labeled Windows NT Installation CD-ROM into Drive A:.

Bill Gates is surfing the Internet, collecting the URLs of anti-Micrsoft websites to send to the legal department for possible libel lawsuits. Suddenly the devil appears, and says, "Bill, I've got a deal for you. I will turn Microsoft into a complete software monopoly. Every computer will run Windows. Every user will be forced to buy Microsoft software. The Justice Department will look the other way. Everyone will love you. You only have to do one thing: give me your soul." Bill Gates looks at him and replies, "Ok, sure. But what's the catch?"

We are very nervous about the release of Windows 2000. This OS takes up gigabytes of hard drive space. When users 'upgrade' to Win2K, they won't have any space on their hard drive for our products! We really hate Chairman Bill.

— An anonymous spokesperson for Corel

Bill Gates and Steve Jobs were playing a friendly game of Frisbee at the Gates estate on the shore of Lake Washington. At one point, Bill accidentally sends the Frisbee over Steve's head, and the Frisbee lands in the lake. Steve walks out onto the surface of the lake and retrieves the Frisbee. The next day the newspapers report: Gates' Throw Exceeds Expectations Apple CEO Unable to Swim

Q: How do you make Windows run faster? A: Throw it harder!

Q: What is the difference between Jurassic Park and Microsoft? A: One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie.

Q: What's the difference between Windows 95 and a highly destructive virus? A: About 90 MB of hard disk space.

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.

Q: What does the NT in Windows NT stand for? A: No Thanks A: Nice Try A: Neutered Technology A: Nothing There A: Needs Testing A: Needs Tinkering A: Not Trustworthy A: Needs Terabytes A: Net Trasher A: Nauseating Trash A: No Tolerance A: Not Today A: Null Technology A: New Troubles A: No Takeoff

Q: What does the CE in Windows CE stand for? A: Caveat Emptor.

Q: Does Bill Gates use public domain software? A: Yes, as all of the public has become Bill Gates' domain.

Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him. A: None. He declares Darkness(tm) the new industry standard.

Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."

Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb? A: Eight. One to work the bulb, and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

Q: How many Microsoft tech writers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Twelve. One to work the bulb, and eleven to write a 1,123 page guide to changing lightbulbs ("Learn Lightbulb Management in 21 Days").

Q: Why did Bill Gates cross the road? A: To avoid the Department of Justice.

Q: Why is Microsoft's Product Support a failure? A: Because Microsoft needs a Support Group instead.

Q: What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums? A: Warning label.

Q: How many Micro$oft programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle. One to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb. One to write WinGetLightSwitch-Handle...

Q: What do Bill Gates and Bill Clinton have in common? A: Their ratings climb whenever they do something unethical.

Q: What do you call 50 Microsoft products at the bottom of the ocean? A: A darned good start.

Q: What do Windows NT and frozen pizza have in common? A: They're both half baked.

Q: How many Internet Explorer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Their light bulbs are integrated in to the fixtures and can not be changed.

You Might be a Microsoft Employee If... 1. When a Microsoft program crashes for the millionth time, you say "Oh, well!" and reboot without any negative thoughts 2. The Windows 95 startup screen (the clouds) makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside 3. You fully understand why Windows 95's Shutdown Option has to be accessed from the Start Menu 4. You believe Internet Explorer's security flaws were slipped in by a crack team of Netscape programmers 5. You keep valuable papers near your fireplace. Therefore, you are comfortable with Windows 95's "may-delete-it-at-anytime" philosophy 6. You're the Bob that Microsoft Bob was named after 7. Instead of "I'd rather be fishing," your bumper sticker says, "I'd rather be writing buggy Microsoft code" 8. You know the technical difference between OLE 1.0 and OLE 2.0 9. You've ever completed your income taxes while waiting for Windows 95 to boot, and didn't think anything of it 10. You run Solitaire more than any other program, and therefore you consider your computer a Dedicated Solitaire Engine (DSE)

You Might be a Microsoft Employee If... 1. Every night you dream of torturing Linus Torvalds 2. Every morning you say, "I pledge allegiance to the logo of the United Corporation of Microsoft. And to the stock options for which it stands, one company, under Bill, with headaches and buggy software for all." 3. Your favorite pick-up line is, "Hey baby...do you want to see a little ActiveX?" 4. Everytime you see a website with "Best viewed with Netscape" on it you feel like filing a lawsuit against its webmaster 5. You feel that all Anti-Microsoft websites should be censored because they are on the Internet, something Bill "invented." 6. You've set a goal to invent at least one new buzzword or acronym per day 7. You've ever been nervous because you haven't registered your Microsoft software yet. 8. You've trained your parrot to say "Unix sucks!" and "All hail Bill Gates!" 9. You own a limited edition Monopoly game in which Boardwalk is Microsoft and Jail is replaced by Justice Department Investigation 10. You've spent countless hours tracking down the source of the "Microsoft Acquires Vatican Church" rumor

What's good for Standard Oil is good for Microsoft.

Two computer people discussing those old stories about Bill Gates' name adding up to 666 in ASCII: "I hear that if you play the NT 4.0 CD backwards, you get a satanic message" "...That's nothing. If you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0!"

Microsoft should abandon the funny looking Windows logo and just hoist the Jolly Roger.

— LinuxToday

All of you people should be ashamed of yourselves! MicroSoft is the reason there are so many people in my IS department, and the reason half of us have jobs. If Sun had won, we could probably get by with two people sleeping like the Maytag man. But because of MS, there are eight people gainfully employed as highly paid contracters, looking busy, feeding their kids. And the way it looks, I stand to be employed and wealthy for a long, long time.

— From Slashdot.org

The box said "Requires Windows 95 or better." I can't understand why it won't work on my Linux computer.

It is not too late to turn back from the GATES of hell. Use Linux - the free 32 bit operating system.

Never trust an operating system you don't have sources for.

Microsoft gives you Windows... Linux gives you the whole house.

Bill Gates did not realize was that his daughter would grow up to be a rebel and would never use anything but Linux for her whole life.

Linux: the operating system with a CLUE... Command Line User Environment

Linux: The OS people choose without $200,000,000 of persuasion

If Bill Gates is the Devil then Linus Torvalds must be the Messiah.

Linux. Where do you want to go tomorrow?

A Linux machine! because a 486 is a terrible thing to waste!

Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. Linux is the answer.

Linux: The choice of a GNU generation

When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*".

— Linus Torvalds

Going from DOS to Linux is like trading a glider for an F117.

By golly, I'm beginning to think Linux really *is* the best thing since sliced bread.

We all know Linux is great...it does infinite loops in 5 seconds.

— Linus Torvalds

Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had.

— Linus Torvalds

Linux: Where Don't We Want To Go Today?

Vini, vidi, Linux!

Microsoft seems to have gotten a lot of mileage out of the C2 rating for NT with no network connection. I wonder if a B3 rating for Linux with no power cord might be of value.

Linux, because we don't need no steenkin' Blue Screen of Death!

Type cat vmlinuz > /dev/audio to hear the Voice of God.

Linux: Because a PC is a terrible thing to waste.

The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.

Windows NT, from the people who invented EDLIN!

Linux, the way to get rid of boot viruses

What you end up with, after running an operating system concept through these many marketing coffee filters, is something not unlike plain hot water.

— Matt Welsh

Why use Windows, since there is a door?

Fatal Error: Found MS-Windows System -> Repartitioning Disk for Linux...

Linux: Because rebooting is for adding new hardware

Windows: Microsoft's tax on computer illiterates.

In a world without fences who needs Gates?

Another name for a Windows tutorial is "crash course".

My computer, my documents, my briefcase, my ASS!

— Ben Cook

Linux. When you want to get there today!

— Jeremy Hinegardner

I have replaced NT with Linux. Linux -- heir of the byte that dogged me.

— Allan Willis

Do you remember when you only had to pay for windows when *you* broke them?

— Noel Maddy

Free Software: the Software by the People, of the People and for the People. Develop! Share! Enhance! and Enjoy!

— Andy Tai

National Weather Service advice for those threatened by severe thunderstorms: "Go inside a sturdy building and stay away from WINDOWS!"

— Ben Bullock

Microsoft should switch to the vacuum cleaner business where people actually want products that suck.

— Bruno Bratti

Linux: transforms your microcomputer in a workstation. Windows NT: transforms your workstation in a microcomputer.

— Paulo F. Sedrez

At Microsoft, quality is job 1.1 - Use Linux!

Everyone seems so impatient and angry these days. I think it's because so many people use Windows at work -- do you think you'd be Politeness Man after working on Windows 8 hrs. or more?

— Chip Atkinson

NT 5.0 so vaporous it's in danger of being added to the periodic table as a noble gas.

— From Slashdot.org

It's spelled Linux, but it's pronounced `Not Windows' It's spelled Windows, but it's pronounced `Aieeeeeeee!'

— Shannon Hendrix

My Beowulf cluster will beat your Windows NT network any day.

— wbogardt

Get it up, keep it up... LINUX: Viagra for the PC.

— Chris Abbey

It's no wonder they call it WinNT; WNT = VMS++;

— Chris Abbey

Peace, Love and Compile the kernel...

— Justin L. Herreman

A truly stable environment would be a concrete basement with no windows! Computers are no different.

— Carey McLelland

I took the Pepsi challenge and chose Linux.

— Carey McLelland

Linux - because software problems should not cost money.

— Shlomi Fish

Double your disk space - delete Windows!

— Albert Dorofeev

The Edsel. New Coke. Windows 2000. All mandatory case studies for bizschool students in 2020.

— Bear Giles (in a LinuxToday post)

If your OS needs a virus detector... RUN!!! ...Out and buy Linux!

— Tim Wright

"Microsoft technology" -- isn't that an oxymoron?

— Gareth Barnard

Are you tired of being a crash test dummy for Microsoft? Discover Linux.

— Gareth Barnard

MCSE == Mentally Challenged Slave of the Empire.

— Gareth Barnard

Linux; a re-Gnu-able resource.

— Gareth Barnard

Windows NT -- it'll drive you buggy!

— Gareth Barnard

If at first you don't succeed, get a job with Microsoft.

— Gareth Barnard

Free your software, and your ass will follow

— Laurent Szyster

How about some patent on "(a+b)^2 == a^2 + 2ab + b^2"? Choose free software!

— Laurent Szyster

"New Technology" or "Not Trusted"?

— Laurent Szyster

Market share leadership is a tenuous thing, Mr. Gates: ask IBM ;-)

— Laurent Szyster

MS and Y2K: Windows 95, 98, ... and back again to 01

— Laurent Szyster

US Navy uses NT. Saddam, Gadafi, it's party time!

— Havlik Denis

Reset button? Which reset button? - Linux, the OS that never sleeps.

— Havlik Denis

There's the light at the end of the the Windows.

— Havlik Denis

Linux: Where do you want to GO... Oh, I'm already there!

— Ewout Stam

Windows: Where do you WANT to go TODAY? You WANT to, but you'll never get there. And you can go to only ONE place per day.

— Ewout Stam

Windows contains FAT. Use Linux -- you won't ever have to worry about your weight.

— Ewout Stam

Microsoft DOS/NT (doesn't) provide the means to WIN!

— Ewout Stam

Crashing is violent; that's why there are more violent games for Windows - and they'll always work.

— Ewout Stam

People use dummies for crash-tests. Windows is so difficult they had to educate the dummies first -- by giving them "Windows for Dummies" books!

— Ewout Stam

Q: How many Microsoft Programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: It cannot be done. You will need to upgrade your house. Q: How many Linux users does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two. One to write the HOWTO-LIGHTBULB-CRONJOB, and another to read it.

— Geoff Johnson

So what is the best way to protect yourself against the ILOVEYOU virus? Install Linux. If that's not an option, try uninstalling Windows.

— Geoff Johnson

Windows: The first user interface where you click Start to turn it off.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]

— From a Slashdot.org post

General Protection Fault! [ Ignore ] [ Reboot ] [ Install Linux ]

— From a Slashdot.org post

Oh My God! They Killed init! You Bastards!

— From a Slashdot.org post

Yo-yo operating system = WinNT: it goes up..., it goes down..., it goes...

— From a Slashdot.org post

Linux! Works great, less filling.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Linux - It is now safe to turn on your computer.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Windows NT source code now available... download WIN2000.BAS now!

— From a Slashdot.org post

Where do you want Bill Gates to go today?

— From a Slashdot.org post

Microsoft does have a Y2K problem... it's called Linux!

— From a Slashdot.org post

C:\WINDOWS\RUN C:\WINDOWS\CRASH C:\ME\FDISK /usr/src/linux

— From a Slashdot.org post

Windows 2000, Users Zilch

— From a Slashdot.org post

If Microsoft were to vanish, who would we hate next?

— From a Slashdot.org post

I'm not a programmer, but I play one at Microsoft.

— From a Slashdot.org post

To segfault is human; to bluescreen moronic.

— From a Slashdot.org post

If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... Oh wait, he does!

— From a Slashdot.org post

I'm not in favor of senseless Micro$oft bashing. I'm in favor of bashing Micro$oft senseless.

— From a Slashdot.org post

I'm a geek with a journalism degree. I suppose that makes me overqualified for a job with ZDNet. Darn.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Wow, the great ZDNET actually corrected a mistake! Of course, if they did that to all of Jesse Berst's columns, they'd lose 2/3 of their content...

— From a Slashdot.org post

It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your source code is?

— From a Slashdot.org post

I'm still waiting for the "Honk if you hate Microsoft" [bumper sticker], but that might get annoying, everyone honking at you.

— From a Slashdot.org post

The relative speed of a computer, regardless of CPU architecture, is inversely proportional to the number of Microsoft products installed.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Every time I think that perhaps we are an advanced race, I turn around and read ramblings on Slashdot, and realize I was wrong.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Microsoft Zen - Become one with the blue screen.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Windows 2000 is more secure than Linux... Since the machine is offline half of the time because of crashes, it cannot be accessed globally, therefore producing higher security.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Linux: Fast Pane Relief

— From a Slashdot.org post

Given enough time and money, eventually Microsoft will re-invent UNIX.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Linux: the dot in "dot org".

— From a Slashdot.org post

If we added up all of the 2 cents that Slashdot readers gave, I wonder how much sense vs. cents we'd have.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Carpe Daemon -- Seize the background process!

— From a Slashdot.org post

"Microsoft is the epitome of innovation and product quality."

— This testimonial paid for by Microsoft.

Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.

— From a Slashdot.org post

It's all GNU to me.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Windows hasn't increased computer literacy. It's just lowered the standard.

— From a Slashdot.org post

The best Windows accelerator is that which works at 9.81 m/s2

— From a Slashdot.org post

The next hot technology from Microsoft will be object-oriented assembly.

— From a Slashdot.org post

...A Microsoft spokesperson said, "while fighting software piracy is good for our business, highway robbery is our business."

— From a Slashdot.org post

Why would people waste their time developing viruses for Microsoft products when Microsoft does such a good job itself of adding in bugs which crash your system?

— From a Slashdot.org post

The Information Revolution will be fought on the command line.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Windows NT encountered the following error: The operation completed successfully.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Statements recently seen on Slashdot: "The Internet interprets advertising as damage and routes around it." "Accept risk. Accept responsibility. Put a lawyer out of business." "A beowulf cluster of Cisco routers? Isn't that the Internet?" "Geeks aren't interested in politics because government doesn't double its efficiency and speed once every 18 months." "Windows 98 hasn't crashed for me once in over a year, either. Oh, wait, I haven't booted it in over a year." "For more than 4 generations the IT Professionals were the guardians of quality and stability in software. Before the dark times. Before Microsoft..." "You can tell how desperate they are by counting the number of times they say 'innovate' in their press releases."

Windows 2000: Designed for the Internet. The Internet: Designed for UNIX.

— From a Slashdot.org post

You all have to admit that Microsoft products provide a quality unmatched by any other company. That is why I am switching to 100\% pure shredded Microsoft certificates of authenticity in my hamster's cage.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Linux: Because rebooting is for adding hardware Solaris: Because you don't need to reboot to add hardware Windows: Because rebooting is for adding hardware, adding software, regularly scheduled downtime, and should also be done on a daily basis to keep the machine running.

— From a Slashdot.org post

If it's too good to be true, it's probably a rigged demo. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.

— From a Slashdot.org post in response to screenshots posted of Microsoft's X-Box gaming console

Certain things are too horrible to auction on the Web. Consider that eBay recently halted auctions on: Human Remains Human Parts Humans Microsoft Products Pretty soon they're gonna ban sales on pentagrams and demon-summoning paraphenalia. Is there anywhere on the web where it's still safe to sell Evil Things?

— From a Slashdot.org post in response to eBay voiding auctions of legitimate second-hand Microsoft products

They say never to buy a "0" release of software. Windows 2000 has 3 of 'em.

— A .sig spotted on an anti-Microsoft mailing list

The rules of editing press releases are: 1. Identify the crucial elements of the story. 2. Omit at least one of them.

— From a Slashdot.org post. We can only guess whether Microsoft uses this policy or not.

Help Microsoft stamp out piracy. Give Linux to a friend today!

— From a Slashdot.org post

Yeah, but they are good at making toys. I mean look at Windows...

— From a Slashdot.org post about Microsoft's X-Box console

Of course I use Microsoft. Setting up a stable Unix network is no challenge.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Hear me out. Linux is Microsoft's main competition right now. Because of this we are forcing them to "innovate", something they would usually avoid. Now if MS Bob has taught us anything, Microsoft is not a company that should be innovating. When they do, they don't come up with things like "better security" or "stability", they come back with "talking paperclips", and "throw in every usless feature we can think of, memory footprint be dammed". Unfortunatly, they also come up with the bright idea of executing email. Now MIME attachments aren't enough, they want you to be able to run/open attachments right when you get them. This sounds like a good idea to people who believe renaming directories to folders made computing possible for the common man, but security wise it's like vigorously shaking a package from the Unibomber. So my friends, we are to blame. We pushed them into frantically trying to invent "necessary" features to stay on top, and look where it got us. Many of us are watching our beloved mail servers go down under the strain and rebuilding our company's PC because of our pointless competition with MS. I implore you to please drop Linux before Microsoft innovates again.

— From a Slashdot.org post in regards to the ILOVEYOU email virus

Slight disorientation after prolonged system uptime is normal for new Linux users. Please do not adjust your browser.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Unix: Where /sbin/init is still Job 1.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Good programmers treat Microsoft products as damage and route around them.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Microsoft: You've got questions. We've got a dancing paperclip.

— From a Slashdot.org post

Microsoft: Re-inventing square wheels

— From a Slashdot.org post

Linus was the instructor of Hercules in music, but having one day reproved his pupil rather harshly, he roused the anger of Hercules, who struck him with his lyre and killed him.

— Bulfinch's Mythology

We are Linux. Resistance is measured in ohms.

Have you ever noticed that at trade shows Microsoft is always the one giving away stress balls...

— From a Slashdot.org post

Windows: Where do you want to go today? MacOS: Where do you want to be tomorrow? Linux: Are you coming or what?

— Linux Journal

Myth: Linux has a lower TCO Fact: If you consider that buying NT licenses for business use is tax-deductible, as are all those tech support calls, NT actually has a lower TCO than Linux! How are you going to expense software that doesn't cost anything? Eh?!?

— From a LinuxToday post

Trying to get Windows to run on the hardware that Linux typically runs on is like pushing an elephant through a keyhole.

— Forbes Magazine

Get it up, keep it up... LINUX: Viagra for the PC.

— Chris Abbey

If you want to travel around the world and be invited to speak at a lot of different places, just write a Unix operating system.

— Linus Torvalds

I used to be interested in Windows NT, but the more I see of it the more it looks like traditional Windows with a stabler kernel. I don't find anything technically interesting there. In my opinion MS is a lot better at making money than it is at making good operating systems.

— Linus Torvalds

See, you not only have to be a good coder to create a system like Linux, you have to be a sneaky bastard too.

— Linus Torvalds

Besides, I think Slackware sounds better than 'Microsoft,' don't you?

— Patrick Volkerding

I sat laughing snidely into my notebook until they showed me a PC running Linux... And oh! It was as though the heavens opened and God handed down a client-side OS so beautiful, so graceful, and so elegant that a million Microsoft developers couldn't have invented it even if they had a hundred years and a thousand crates of Jolt cola.

— Polly Sprenger, LAN Times

Mastery of UNIX, like mastery of language, offers real freedom. The price of freedom is always dear, but there's no substitute. Personally, I'd rather pay for my freedom than live in a bitmapped, pop-up-happy dungeon like NT.

— Thomas Scoville, Performance Computing

It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your source code is?