General Wisdom

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

— Samuel Goldwyn

A violent man will die a violent death.

— Lao Tsu

A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.

A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.

A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

— Ziggy

A watched clock never boils.

A well adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.

A well-known friend is a treasure.

A well-used door needs no oil on its hinges. A swift-flowing steam does no grow stagnant. Neither sound nor thoughts can travel through a vacuum. Software rots if not used. These are great mysteries.

— Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"

A widow is more sought after than an old maid of the same age.

— Addison

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there *for the rest of your life*.

— Jim Samuels

A wise man can see more from a mountain top than a fool can from the bottom of a well.

A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top.

A wise person makes his own decisions, a weak one obeys public opinion.

— Chinese proverb

A witty saying proves nothing.

— Voltaire

"A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are recticent to admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells. It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times."

— The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII

A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells. It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times.

— The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII

A woman can look both moral and exciting -- if she also looks as if it were quite a struggle.

— Edna Ferber

A woman can never be too rich or too thin.

A woman did what a woman had to, the best way she knew how. To do more was impossible, to do less, unthinkable.

— Dirisha, "The Man Who Never Missed"

A woman employs sincerity only when every other form of deception has failed.

— Scott

A woman, especially if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.

— Jane Austen

A woman forgives the audacity of which her beauty has prompted us to be guilty.

— LeSage

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.

— Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her, she follows.

— Chamfort

A woman is like your shadow; follow her, she flies; fly from her, she follows.

— Chamfort

A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.

— Nietzsche

A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.

— Nietzsche

A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing -- tender, sweet, and stupid.

— Adolf Hitler

A woman must be a cute, cuddly, naive little thing -- tender, sweet, and stupid.

— Adolf Hitler

A woman of generous character will sacrifice her life a thousand times over for her lover, but will break with him for ever over a question of pride -- for the opening or the shutting of a door.

— Stendhal

A woman physician has made the statement that smoking is neither physically defective nor morally degrading, and that nicotine, even when indulged to in excess, is less harmful than excessive petting."

— Purdue Exponent, Jan 16, 1925

A woman shouldn't have to buy her own perfume.

— Maurine Lewis

A woman went into a hospital one day to give birth. Afterwards, the doctor came to her and said, "I have some... odd news for you." "Is my baby all right?" the woman anxiously asked. "Yes, he is," the doctor replied, "but we don't know how. Your son (we assume) was born with no body. He only has a head." Well, the doctor was correct. The Head was alive and well, though no one knew how. The Head turned out to be fairly normal, ignoring his lack of a body, and lived for some time as typical a life as could be expected under the circumstances. One day, about twenty years after the fateful birth, the woman got a phone call from another doctor. The doctor said, "I have recently perfected an operation. Your son can live a normal life now: we can graft a body onto his head!" The woman, practically weeping with joy, thanked the doctor and hung up. She ran up the stairs saying, "Johnny, Johnny, I have a *wonderful* surprise for you!" "Oh no," cried The Head, "not another HAT!"

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

— Gloria Steinem

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. Therefore, a man without a woman is like a bicycle without a fish.

A woman's best protection is a little money of her own.

— Clare Booth Luce, quoted in "The Wit of Women"

A woman's place is in the house... and in the Senate.

A word to the wise is enough.

— Miguel de Cervantes

A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.

— William Faulkner

A yawn is a silent shout.

— G.K. Chesterton

A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.

A young girl once committed suicide because her mother refused her a new bonnet. Coroner's verdict: "Death from excessive spunk."

— Sacramento Daily Union, September 13, 1860

A young man and his girlfriend were walking along Main Street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry-store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have that!" she gushed. "No problem," her companion replied, throwing a brick through the window and grabbing the ring. A few blocks later, the woman admired a full-length sable coat. "What I'd give to own that," she said, sighing. "No problem," he said, throwing a brick through the window and grabbing the coat. Finally, turning for home, they passed a car dealership. "Boy, I'd do anything for one of those Rolls-Royces," she said. "Jeez, baby," the guy moaned, "you think I'm made of bricks?"

A young man wrote to Mozart and said: Q: "Herr Mozart, I am thinking of writing symphonies. Can you give me any suggestions as to how to get started?" A: "A symphony is a very complex musical form, perhaps you should begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony." Q: "But Herr Mozart, you were writing symphonies when you were 8 years old." A: "But I never asked anybody how."

A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive.

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

Abbott's Admonitions: 1: If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know. 2: If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.

— Charles Abbot, dean, University of Virginia

Aberdeen was so small that when the family with the car went on vacation, the gas station and drive-in theatre had to close.

Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!) Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace, And saw, within the moonlight in his room, Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom, An angel writing in a book of gold. Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold, And to the presence in the room he said, "What writest thou?" The vision raised its head, And with a look made of all sweet accord, Answered, "The names of those who love the Lord." "And is mine one?" said Abou. "Nay not so," Replied the angel. Abou spoke more low, But cheerly still; and said, "I pray thee then, Write me as one that loves his fellow-men." The angel wrote, and vanished. The next night It came again with a great wakening light, And showed the names whom love of God had blessed, And lo! Ben Adhem's name led all the rest.

— James Henry Leigh Hunt, "Abou Ben Adhem"

About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.

About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.

About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.

About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends.

— Herbert Hoover

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt ax. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

— Edsger Dijkstra

Above all else - sky.

Above all things, reverence yourself.

Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain. He died in Washington, D.C.

ABSCOND: To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying relative and miss the return train.

abscond, v: To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying relative and miss the return train.

Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind blows out candles and fans fires.

— La Rochefoucauld

Absence in love is like water upon fire; a little quickens, but much extinguishes it.

— Hannah More

Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Absence makes the heart forget.

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

— Sextus Aurelius

Absence makes the heart grow frantic.

ABSENT: Exposed to the attacks of friends and acquaintances; defamed; slandered.

ABSENTEE: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove themselves from the sphere of exaction.

Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.

Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it's out of date.)

— Stafford Beer

ABSTAINER: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Abstract: This study examined the incidence of neckwear tightness among a group of 94 white-collar working men and the effect of a tight business-shirt collar and tie on the visual performance of 22 male subjects. Of the white-collar men measured, 67\% were found to be wearing neckwear that was tighter than their neck circumference. The visual discrimination of the 22 subjects was evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve immediately when tight neckwear was removed.

— Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the Neck in Relation to Visual Performance." Human Factors 29, #

ABSURDITY: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.

— Wallace Sayre

Academicians care, that's who.

ACADEMY: A modern school where football is taught. INSTITUTE: An archaic school where football is not taught.

Accent on helpful side of your nature. Drain the moat.

ACCEPTANCE TESTING: An unsuccessful attempt to find bugs.

Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion. Rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science.

— Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"

Acceptance without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western religion; rejection without proof is the fundamental characteristic of Western science.

— Gary Zukav, "The Dancing Wu Li Masters"

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

— Foolish Dictionary

Accidentally Shot Colonel Gray, of Petaluma, came near losing his life a few days ago, in a singular manner. A gentleman with whom he was hunting attempted to bring down a dove, but instead of doing so put the load of shot through the Colonel's hat. One shot took effect in his forehead.

— Sacramento Daily Union, April 20, 1861

Accidents cause History. If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil could have been used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd.

— Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

According to a recent and unscientific national survey, smiling is something everyone should do at least 6 times a day. In an effort to increase the national average (the US ranks third among the world's superpowers in smiling), Xerox has instructed all personnel to be happy, effervescent, and most importantly, to smile. Xerox employees agree, and even feel strongly that they can not only meet but surpass the national average... except for Tubby Ackerman. But because Tubby does such a fine job of racing around parking lots with a large butterfly net retrieving floating IC chips, Xerox decided to give him a break. If you see Tubby in a parking lot he may have a sheepish grin. This is where the expression, "Service with a slightly sheepish grin" comes from.

According to all the latest reports, there was no truth in any of the earlier reports.

According to Arkansas law, Section 4761, Pope's Digest: "No person shall be permitted under any pretext whatever, to come nearer than fifty feet of any door or window of any polling room, from the opening of the polls until the completion of the count and the certification of the returns."

According to convention there is a sweet and a bitter, a hot and a cold, and according to convention, there is an order. In truth, there are atoms and a void.

— Democritus, 400 B.C.

According to my best recollection, I don't remember.

— Vincent "Jimmy Blue Eyes" Alo

According to the latest official figures, 43\% of all statistics are totally worthless.

According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.

— David Letterman

According to the Rand McNally Places-Rated Almanac, the best place to live in America is the city of Pittsburgh. The city of New York came in twenty-fifth. Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could beat up their city anytime.

— David Letterman

ACCORDION: A bagpipe with pleats.

ACCURACY: The vice of being right.

Acid absorbs 47 times its own weight in excess Reality.

Acquaintance, n: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when the object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.

— Ambrose Bierce

Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.

Acting is not very hard. The most important things are to be able to laugh and cry. If I have to cry, I think of my sex life. And if I have to laugh, well, I think of my sex life.

— Glenda Jackson

Actor Real Name Boris Karloff William Henry Pratt Cary Grant Archibald Leach Edward G. Robinson Emmanual Goldenburg Gene Wilder Gerald Silberman John Wayne Marion Morrison Kirk Douglas Issur Danielovitch Richard Burton Richard Jenkins Jr. Roy Rogers Leonard Slye Woody Allen Allen Stewart Konigsberg

Actor: So what do you do for a living? Doris: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

— Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"

Actresses will happen in the best regulated families.

— Addison Mizner and Oliver Herford, "The Entirely New Cynic's Calendar", 1905

Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.

Actually, the probability is 100\% that the elevator will be going in the right direction. Proof by induction: N=1. Trivialy true, since both you and the elevator only have one floor to go to. Assume true for N, prove for N+1: If you are on any of the first N floors, then it is true by the induction hypothesis. If you are on the N+1st floor, then both you and the elevator have only one choice, namely down. Therefore, it is true for all N+1 floors. QED.

Ad astra per aspera. (To the stars by aspiration.)

ADA: Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in Computing. Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness.

— "Datamation", January 15, 1984

ADA: Something you need to know the name of to be an Expert in Computing. Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness."

ADA, n.: Something you need only know the name of to be an Expert in Computing. Useful in sentences like, "We had better develop an ADA awareness."

Adde parvum parvo manus acervus erit. [Add little to little and there will be a big pile.]

— Ovid

Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo.

— actress Mary Pickford, 1925

Adhere to your own act, and congratulate yourself if you have done something strange and extravagant, and broken the monotony of a decorous age.

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Adler's Distinction: Language is all that separates us from the lower animals, and from the bureaucrats.

ADMIRATION: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

ADOLESCENCE: The stage between puberty and adultery.

ADORE: To venerate expectantly.

ADULT: One old enough to know better.

Adults die young.

Advancement in position.

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

— Thomas Jefferson

Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.

— George Orwell

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.

Advertising Rule: In writing a patent-medicine advertisement, first convince the reader that he has the disease he is reading about; secondly, that it is curable.

Advice from an old carpenter: measure twice, saw once.

Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.

After 35 years, I have finished a comprehensive study of European comparative law. In Germany, under the law, everything is prohibited, except that which is permitted. In France, under the law, everything is permitted, except that which is prohibited. In the Soviet Union, under the law, everything is prohibited, including that which is permitted. And in Italy, under the law, everything is permitted, especially that which is prohibited.

— Newton Minow, Speech to the Association of American Law Schools, 1985

After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out. It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life more advanced than the lichen family.

— Dave Barry

After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.

After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean security, And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts And presents aren't promises And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes open, With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build all your roads On today because tomorrow's ground Is too uncertain. And futures have A way of falling down in midflight, After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting For someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... That you really are strong, And you really do have worth And you learn and learn With every goodbye you learn.

— Veronic Shoffstall, "Comes the Dawn"

After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations.

— H.L. Mencken, on Shakespeare

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

After all, it is only the mediocre who are always at their best.

— Jean Giraudoux

After all my erstwhile dear, My no longer cherished, Need we say it was not love, Just because it perished?

— Edna St. Vincent Millay

After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

— P.J. O'Rourke

After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. For example, in 1780 Luigi Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact that it sinks like a stone.

— Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"

After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, "A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created." "This is true," He replied. "He will need laws," said the Demon slyly. "What! You, his appointed Enemy for all Time! You ask for the right to make his laws?" "Oh, no!" Satan replied, "I ask only that he be allowed to make his own." It was so granted.

After living in New York, you trust nobody, but you believe everything. Just in case.

...[after the announcement of Vanguard] ... Secretary of Defense Charles Wilson (the same "Engine Charlie" who once told the Senate, "[F]or years I've thought that what was good for our country was good for General Motors, and vice versa," probably an accurate analysis) was asked whether the Russians might beat the Americans into orbit. "I wouldn't care if they did," he responded. (It was later claimed that Wilson favored the development of the automatic transmission so that he could drive with one foot in his mouth.)

— Smithsonian's Air&Space Magazine, "The Day the Rocket Died"

After the game the king and the pawn go in the same box.

— Italian proverb

After the ground war began, captured Iraqi soldiers said any of them caught by superiors wearing a white T-shirt would be executed because of the ease with which the shirts could be used as surrender flags. Some Iraqi soldiers carried bleach with them to make their dark shirts white.

— Chuck Shepherd, Funny Times, May 1991

After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.

After this was written there appeared a remarkable posthumous memoir that throws some doubt on Millikan's leading role in these experiments. Harvey Fletcher (1884-1981), who was a graduate student at the University of Chicago, at Millikan's suggestion worked on the measurement of electronic charge for his doctoral thesis, and co-authored some of the early papers on this subject with Millikan. Fletcher left a manuscript with a friend with instructions that it be published after his death; the manuscript was published in Physics Today, June 1982, page 43. In it, Fletcher claims that he was the first to do the experiment with oil drops, was the first to measure charges on single droplets, and may have been the first to suggest the use of oil. According to Fletcher, he had expected to be co-authored with Millikan on the crucial first article announcing the measurement of the electronic charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan.

— Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles" Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first real

After two or three weeks of this madness, you begin to feel As One with the man who said, "No news is good news." In twenty-eight papers, only the rarest kind of luck will turn up more than two or three articles of any interest... but even then the interest items are usually buried deep around paragraph 16 on the jump (or "Cont. on ...") page... The Post will have a story about Muskie making a speech in Iowa. The Star will say the same thing, and the Journal will say nothing at all. But the Times might have enough room on the jump page to include a line or so that says something like: "When he finished his speech, Muskie burst into tears and seized his campaign manager by the side of the neck. They grappled briefly, but the struggle was kicked apart by an oriental woman who seemed to be in control." Now that's good journalism. Totally objective; very active and straight to the point.

— Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"

After years of research, scientists recently reported that there is, indeed, arroz in Spanish Harlem.

After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!

AFTERNOON: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.

Afternoon very favorable for romance. Try a single person for a change.

Against Idleness and Mischief How doth the little busy bee How skillfully she builds her cell! Improve each shining hour, How neat she spreads the wax! And gather honey all the day And labours hard to store it well From every opening flower! With the sweet food she makes. In works of labour or of skill In books, or work, or healthful play, I would be busy too; Let my first years be passed, For Satan finds some mischief still That I may give for every day For idle hands to do. Some good account at last.

— Isaac Watts, 1674-1748

Against stupidity the very gods Themselves contend in vain.

— Friedrich von Schiller, "The Maid of Orleans", III, 6

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

Age is a tyrant who forbids, at the penalty of life, all the pleasures of youth.

Agnes' Law: Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.

Agree with them now, it will save so much time.

Ah, but a man's grasp should exceed his reach, Or what's a heaven for ?

— Robert Browning, "Andrea del Sarto"

Ah, my friends, from the prison, they ask unto me, "How good, how good does it feel to be free?" And I answer them most mysteriously: "Are birds free from the chains of the sky-way?"

— Bob Dylan

Ah, sweet Springtime, when a young man lightly turns his fancy over!

Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!

Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.

Ahhhhhh... the smell of cuprinol and mahogany. It excites me to... acts of passion... acts of... ineptitude.

Aide to Raygun: Sir, the poor are outside protesting your budget cuts. Raygun himself: Tell them they'll have to help themselves. Aide to Raygun: Sir, the Pentagon wants another $30 billion. Raygun himself: Tell them to help themselves.

Aim for the moon. If you miss, you may hit a star.

— W. Clement Stone

Ain't no right way to do a wrong thing.

— The Mad Dogtender

Ain't nothin' an old man can do for me but bring me a message from a young man.

— Moms Mabley

"Ain't that something what happened today. One of us got traded to Kansas City."

— Casey Stengel, informing outfielder Bob Cerv he'd been traded.

AIR: A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

— Ambrose Bierce

Air Force Inertia Axiom: Consistency is always easier to defend than correctness.

Air is water with holes in it.

Air pollution is really making us pay through the nose.

Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.

— Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre

Al didn't smile for forty years. You've got to admire a man like that.

— from "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman"

Alan Turing thought about criteria to settle the question of whether machines can think, a question of which we now know that it is about as relevant as the question of whether submarines can swim.

— Dijkstra

Alas, how love can trifle with itself!

— William Shakespeare, "The Two Gentlemen of Verona"

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.

— Oscar Wilde [as he sipped champagne on his deathbed]

ALASKA: A prelude to "No."

Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not. Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has a beginning and an end. Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm.

— Tom Robbins

ALBRECHT'S LAW: Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.

Alcohol, hashish, prussic acid, strychnine are weak dilutions. The surest poison is time.

— Emerson, "Society and Solitude"

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

— George Bernard Shaw

Alden's Laws: (1) Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. (2) Always be backlit. (3) Sit down whenever possible.

Alden's Laws: 1: Giving away baby clothes and furniture is the major cause of pregnancy. 2: Always be backlit. 3: Sit down whenever possible.

Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall, Aleph-null bottles of beer, You take one down, and pass it around, Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.

Alex Haley was adopted!

Alexander Graham Bell is alive and well in New York, and still waiting for a dial tone.

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

— The Best of Will Rogers

Algebraic symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

— Philippe Schnoebelen

Algebraic symbols are used when you don't know what you're talking about.

Algol-60 surely must be regarded as the most important programming language yet developed.

— T. Cheatham

ALGORITHM: Trendy dance for hip programmers.

Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.

Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them continues to pay for it.

— Peggy Joyce

Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.

— Arthur Baer

Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.

— Norman Mailer

Alimony is the high cost of leaving.

Aliquid melius quam pessimum optimum non est.

Alive without breath, As cold as death; Never thirsty, ever drinking, All in mail ever clinking.

All a man needs out of life is a place to sit 'n' spit in the fire.

All art is but imitation of nature.

— Lucius Annaeus Seneca

All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

All bad precedents began as justifiable measures.

— Gaius Julius Caesar, quoted in "The Conspiracy of Catiline", by Sallust