I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Can we talk?
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes -- and six months later you have to start all over again.